


Corner of the World 35: Scattered Pieces

by serafina20



Series: Corner of the World [38]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Episode Related, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-04-10
Updated: 2011-04-10
Packaged: 2017-10-17 22:10:14
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/181755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/serafina20/pseuds/serafina20
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Lex returns from Metropolis and announces he's getting married, Clark feels his world falling apart.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Corner of the World 35: Scattered Pieces

The phone rang at ten-thirty on the dot, just as it had almost every night for the past week. Clark glanced at it briefly before turning back to his book. He wasn't in the mood to talk.

It continued to ring. Clark continued to ignore it.

After seven rings, his cell phone started. Clark climbed out of the hammock, crossed the room and turned the cell phone off. Then he went back to his hammock.

At ten rings, Clark lifted the receiver and dropped it back into the cradle without saying anything.

Barely a minute later, the phone started ringing again. He knew it was only his imagination, but the ring seemed angrier now. Harsher. Of course, it could be the sudden, coiled tightness in his chest, and the rush of adrenaline that accompanied it.

Clark winced when he heard the kitchen door flung open. "Clark!" Jonathan shouted. "Answer the phone now or take it off the hook!"

"Sorry, Dad!" Clark called back, feeling a little guilty. His parents had already gone to bed about an hour ago, which meant the phone woke them up. The thing was, Clark had been letting the phone ring all week now; they knew he wasn't going to answer it. Why didn't they just turn the ringer off in the house?

With a tortured groan, Clark answered the phone. "I don't want to talk to you," he said shortly, ready to slam the receiver down.

"Don't hang up, Clark," Lex replied quickly. "I'll just keep calling."

"Are you trying to get me in trouble or something? You woke my parents up."

"I'm trying to talk to you. It's not my fault that you're being stubborn."

"Look, you're the one who wanted to break-up, not me. Why can't you just leave me alone?"

Lex sighed. "I didn't want to break-up, Clark. I don't even consider us really broken up. We're just... taking a step back right now."

"We're not together. We were, now we're not. How's that not broke up?

"Because it's not forever. It's not permanent. It's just until we figure things out."

Clark snorted. "Until I figure things out."

"Not just you, Clark. I need to do this too. I'm too..." Lex stopped himself and sighed. "I depend on you for too many things. I need you too much. I... It's such a change." He laughed slightly. "One year ago, I thought that I didn't need anyone, but now... it's different. I'm different. I don't see it as a weakness anymore. But, it's not something I should let myself do too much."

"I don't understand."

Lex was silent a moment. When he did answer, his words were slow, as if he were thinking of his phrasing very carefully. "There's nothing wrong with depending on other people. There's nothing wrong with me wanting you around, or, when I can't handle things, to need you emotionally. But I depend on you so much that I forget how to take care of myself. Actually, never learn." Lex hesitated. "I've never... learned how to do that. I've always allowed other people to take care of me."

"You have?"

"Damien. Dr. Pierce. My teachers. The police. My father. I've never taken responsibility for my health or even, to some extent, my own actions. I've gotten better about being responsible for what I do. That's why I bought the plant. I couldn't allow the workers to lose their job. But I suck at keeping myself healthy. I've always allowed other people to take care of me, and I've fought them every step of the way. I need.... I need to learn to take care of myself. To learn when I need to take a break, or call my doctor, or whatever."

"People who love each other take care of each other," Clark said softly.

Lex's reply was equally soft. "You're right; they do. But they need to be able to survive on their own, too. I won't allow myself to hurt someone I love by being a burden."

Clark sniffed. "Instead you hurt me by leaving me."

"Not forever."

"Assuming that I'll take you back when you decide that I'm ready." Clark filled his voice with as much scorn as he could.

"It's not like that, Clark. I'm not expecting anything. I'm hoping, yes. I hope you take me back. I hope that you face who and what you are. God, I hope you understand why I'm doing this, but I can't expect or make assumptions about what will happen, because I don't know. I can't tell the future, Clark, and I know that. I'm flying blind and terrified. But I know this is right."

Clark tightened his jaw. "You don't always know what's right."

"True," Lex conceded. "But in this case, neither do you."

There was nothing Clark could say to that. Lex was so convinced that he was right, and that this break-up--or whatever the hell it was--was the best thing for Clark. For both of them. All Clark could do was go along with it. And he hated that, hated having this forced on him. Hated not being given a choice.

And, anyway, if it was the right thing, why the fuck did it hurt so much?

"Lex?" Clark whispered, voice raw and painful. "How can something so good for me hurt so much?"

"Because sometimes we need pain to help us confront something that's already painful." Lex's voice was soft and soothing, a cool balm on Clark's bleeding soul.

Clark closed his book and put it aside. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too."

"Come home. Now." Clark bit his lip, hoping Lex would hear what he was really saying.

He did. The painful wrench in Clark's chest told him that Lex understood exactly what Clark wanted.

"I can't, angel. We rely too much on our bond. I hate being disconnected from you, but we can't reopen it."

Blinking rapidly, Clark said, "You act like this is supposed to be easy for me, and it's not."

"I never said it would be easy. Ever. Because, you're right, it's not. Self-discovery never is. But that doesn't mean you don't do it. It just means... it means that it'll take a lot of courage." He hesitated. "Have you even thought about it?"

"About what?"

"Anything. Your past, who you are. Who you're growing up to be. Anything about your abilities or... just anything?"

Clark rubbed his eyes and got out of the hammock. "No. I'm too angry right now."

There was a brief pause. "That's fair," Lex said after a moment.

"Oh, thank you." Clark made sure his voice was biting and sarcastic.

"Clark, do you think this is easy for me?" Lex asked sharply.

Clark didn't answer.

"It's not," Lex answered after a moment. "I'm miserable. I miss you; I feel like there's a huge chunk of me missing, and all I want to do is get it back. But I can't do that to either of us. It wouldn't be fair."

Eyes closed, Clark sank onto his bed. Tears were gathering behind his eyelids, but he fought them back, quashing his feelings ruthlessly. "I don't know what to do, Lex. I'm lost."

"I know. It's a big task. I understand that. But I've been giving this a lot of thought, and I have an idea of where you could begin."

"Where?"

"Well, you have memories, right? And, although you've recovered some, I don't think that you've really dealt with them. I know that they're threatening to you, but the more traumatic part is over. You've recovered the memories, and they're more in your conscious mind now. I think that you should try and explore them now."

Clark frowned. "What do you mean?"

"Think about them. Try to lose yourself, voluntarily, in the memories. Write down what you see, how you feel. What you think. It might not help you become comfortable with being an alien, but it's a place to start."

He licked his bottom lip. "How? I mean, how would I do that?"

"Well," Lex said, and Clark could hear a smile in his voice. "There are different things you can do. Get yourself comfortable and deliberately call up a memory so you can walk through it at your own pace. If you have trouble, there are some relaxation techniques--breathing and visualization exercises--that you can do."

"I don't know any of them."

"I know. My psychologist taught me a few methods; I've written what I remember down. I also looked on the internet for meditation and relaxation techniques. I'm sending you an e-mail with what I've found."

Clark could hear Lex typing in the background. He sighed, feeling the tightness in his muscles eased. He'd felt so alone since they'd broken up; abandoned. He'd really thought that, assurances aside, Lex had cut him off to figure this out for himself. But now, knowing that Lex had been thinking about Clark, looking for a way to help him... it helped. It wasn't enough, but it was something.

"Okay," Lex said after a moment. "It's sent. And if I have time during the conference, I'll stop by the bookstore and get you a book my psychologist recommended to me. And some music."

Clark raised an eyebrow. "Music?"

"Yes, music. To help you relax. Look," Lex said, sounding slightly annoyed, "I'm trying to help you here. I don't know exactly what to do, but I thought that maybe..."

"Thank you, Lex," Clark interrupted quietly.

Clark could feel some tension ease out of Lex's body; the coiled spring in Clark's stomach eased.

"I just want to help."

"I know." And he did. Clark might not exactly want the help, but he did know that Lex really wasn't trying to hurt him.

"Will you... try? Any of it?"

"Maybe."

"You could start with the memory of us in Kiptin. You seemed comfortable with that one."

"I thought you didn't want me using you to feel comfortable with myself."

Lex hesitated before answering, "If you drew me with you, or were only going to use that memory, then you'd be using me. But there's no problem with taking baby steps on your way."

Clark sighed. "You want me to do the impossible."

"No." Lex's voice was soft and sad. "Not impossible."

They were silent a long time, wasting minutes over the phone, each unwilling to speak or to hang up.

Clark cleared his throat. "I miss you so much," he whispered, near tears.

"Me too." He sighed. "I wish you had talked to me this week. I've called every night."

"I know. I was angry."

"I know." Lex sighed again. "It's just that I don't know how much time I'll have this week to call you. The conference I'm at is getting really intense. I didn't even get home until five minutes before I called you. I'm so busy... I can't promise I'll call you this week."

"I understand," Clark said unhappily.

"I'll be home in a week, and we can talk."

"Okay." He sniffed. "Lex?"

"Yes?"

"Don't do anything stupid, okay? I know you, and I also know that you wouldn't. But I know that you think you might."

Lex laughed. "I won't have time."

"Lex," Clark said seriously.

There was sigh. "Thank you. I needed to hear that."

"I know."

There was a long pause, and Clark closed his eyes, listening to Lex breathe.

"Well," Lex said awkwardly after a bit. "Good-night."

"Night." Clark held onto the line until Lex hung up, then slowly put the phone in the cradle. He laid back on his bed, gazing up at the ceiling, missing Lex.

________________________________________

The clock radio clicked on loudly. Immediately, Clark jerked awake, the song assaulting his ears. It wasn't loud or obnoxious or anything, but the lyrics were depressing as hell--all about being alone and lost love and stuff. For a moment, as Clark lay in bed, looking at the ceiling, he wondered if the deejays at the radio station has chosen the song on purpose, to taunt him. He wondered if the world was against him. He wondered if everyone at school would know he'd been dumped and abandoned when he stepped through the doors of the high school and...

No, of course they wouldn't. He was only Clark Kent, super geek. Never mind that he probably got laid more than anyone else at the school, to them, Clark couldn't even get someone to look at him.

Despite that thought, he wondered if someone had requested the song as a joke on him, then decided he was being paranoid.

A warm wave of sleep washed over him, and Clark closed his eyes, tempted to fall back asleep. But the radio changed song from the lonely love song to something jarring that grated on his nerves. With a tortured sigh, Clark heaved himself out of bed, searching for his alarm clock.

It wasn't in the usual place by his bed, but he'd known that. He's been having a lot of problems waking up lately. Normally, he didn't even need the alarm; he usually woke a few minutes before it went off. The past few days, however, not only had he slept through the alarm sounding, but he'd also slept through himself turning the thing off. Jonathan had woken him up all week, and was becoming increasingly worried.

The clock was on the bookshelf, behind a stack of books. Clark had just turned it off when his father called up to the loft.

"Clark?"

"I'm up, Dad. I'll be down in a minute." Quickly, Clark pulled on his work clothes and zoomed downstairs, flying quickly through his chores. It was really hot, well over ninety, and still early in the morning. They'd been having unreasonably--and unusually--high temperatures lately. Yesterday it had been so hot that Martha and Jonathan hadn't even expected Clark to go to the Labor Day picnic; he'd stayed home submerged in a tub packed with ice cubes, trying to stay cool.

"Whew. It's going to be a scorcher today," Jonathan said almost jovially as they closed the gate. He wiped the sweat off his forehead with the tail of his shirt.

"Yeah," Clark answered moodily. "The perfect way to start the school year."

Jonathan clapped him on the back and smiled. "You going to be okay, son?"

"He didn't call all week." Lightly--containing his strength--Clark kicked the fence.

"He told you that might happen. Lex is a busy man, and..."

"And it's fine to forget about me because we're not together anymore."

Jonathan took Clark's arm and held him, trying to prevent him from walking away. "I thought you said that you weren't broken up."

Clark sighed. "We're not. Or... maybe. We're... I don't know what we are. We aren't together." He sighed again and rubbed his eyes. "I just have this really bad feeling today."

"How bad?"

"I don't... I don't know. It's just a feeling, like something's... off kilter. Not right." He pressed his hand into the center of his abdomen, where he could ^feel^ Lex. It was... fuzzy. Not quite... right, somehow. At first Clark had figured that the ability to read Lex's emotions was fading. After all, with the bond shut down, why would this ability stay? Maybe it would have if they had stayed connected, but now there was no real need.

But... Clark didn't think that was what was happening. Lex was fuzzy, but not gone. He wasn't getting any weaker. Which meant that something else was happening. Clark just couldn't figure out what the something else was.

"I'm hot," he said after a moment.

Jonathan smiled wryly. "So is everyone, Clark. Go wash up for school; you don't want to be late."

"Yeah, okay."

"Clark?"

He stopped and turned back to his father.

"I wish I could say something to make you feel better," he said. "It's never easy to break up with someone. Being in this in-between state is hard. I realize that. I'm sorry that you have to go through this."

Clark shrugged. "It's not your fault, Dad. It's just the way it is." He managed a small smile and then took off for the house to get ready for school.

He made it through breakfast and a long shower. The shower made him a little late getting out of the house, but a summer of running all over the place had made him faster, so he got to school in practically a few seconds. To his surprise, when he stepped into the halls of Smallville High, his heart started pounding with excitement and his mood lightened considerably. In fact, he was almost... happy. Yeah, it was a dubious happiness, since the pall of Lex was still hanging over him, but it was a kind of happiness. He was glad to be back at school, to have a place to go and people to see and talk to everyday. He was tired of being alone; it had been fine during the summer, but he needed people now, and was glad to be back.

Clark closed his locker and turned to face the crowd. He smiled, and it felt like the first real smile in a week.

"Clark!" Lana's voice floated to him over the din, and for a moment, Clark was transported back through the years. She sounded like she did every year on the first day of school: her voice trembled with excitement so she sounded incredibly hyper.

Clark turned and saw Lana pushing through the crowd to get to him, a camera in her hand. "Hey, Lana." His excitement waned slightly, and he kicked the floor. "How have you been?"

"Pretty good. I, uh, haven't seen you in a while."

"No. I... I got really busy with the farm. Dad needed a lot of help, so I had to start doing the delivery earlier. And, you know. I couldn't hang out as much." He looked up at her from under his eyelashes.

She looked unconvinced. "Uh-huh." Lana licked her lower lip. "Look, I'm sorry about what happened. I shouldn't have freaked out and yelled at you like I did. It wasn't your fault. I mean, Chloe should have told me, not you. And even that..." She sighed and pushed her hair off her shoulders. "You, Pete, and Chloe are my closest friends. My only friends, and the only people I really feel comfortable with. Especially now that Whitney's gone. I'm just, well, after what happened with Chloe, I'm just afraid I'm going to lose all of you. I'm happy for Chloe, but when I found out that I was the only one who didn't know about her girlfriend, I felt like you guys were trying to shut me out."

Clark shook his head. "No, Lana. Chloe didn't know how to tell you, and I didn't think I should."

"You're right. Totally. And I was totally being unreasonable. I'm sorry." She looked at him uncertainly. "Are we still friends?"

"Yeah." Clark smiled. "Of course."

Lana smiled, looking relieved. "Good. I've been worried." She hesitated, then said, "I was wondering if you'd like to say anything to Whitney? I mean, I'm making a video letter for him, and I was hoped you might say something to him." She lifted the camera uncertainly.

"Uh... sure." Feeling flustered, Clark ran his hand through his hair and straightened his tee shirt. Then he ran his hand through his hair again. "Uh... now?"

"Go ahead." Lana pressed the record button.

Clark cleared his throat and ran his hand through his hair once more. "Well, Whitney...you shipped out over there. It's...I'm sure it's pretty warm." Clark broke off and laughed nervously. "Uh...that really sucked."

Lana smiled reassuringly. "It's okay Clark. Just say what you feel."

 _Right,_ Clark wryly. _Whitney, I miss you and I hope your safe. Don't die. Come home._ He couldn't say that. Not here in the middle of the school hall. Especially since Lana didn't know.

"Uh..."

Pete suddenly appeared, popping up almost out of nowhere. Like Lana, Pete was wearing the bright eyed look of excitement that he always did on the first day of school.

"What's with Clark Kent, movie star?" Pete asked, practically bouncing on his feet. He was eyeing the movie camera and practically licking his lips with desire to get on it, no matter what Lana was doing.

"Well, Lana's making a video letter for Whitney overseas," Clark said awkwardly. He felt so stupid right now, and he wasn't sure why. It was partly the heat, partly his desire to pour his heart out to Whitney about what he was going through, and partly the fuzziness at the edge of his mind from Lex.

"Thought it was the least I could do. Hey, do you wanna give it a shot?" Lana pointed the camera at Pete.

Pete's face split into a huge grin as if he'd been asked to star in a movie. "Watch how the pros do it." He turned to the camera. "The town's still rebuilding after the storm, the first week of school is a bear, and you're missing the worst heat wave in twenty-five years. Bottom line, stay safe and come home soon. PS, the football team's toast without Fordman on offense. "

Lana nodded, looking very pleased with Pete's performance. "That was perfect, Pete."

"Yeah," Clark answered vaguely, scanning the crowd; he thought he'd seen Chloe, but she'd disappeared. "Super."

Laughing, Pete clapped Clark on the back. "Try not to choke this time." And he bounced off again.

"How about it, Clark? Wanna try take two?"

Chloe's head peeked around the corner behind Lana. She met Clark's eyes briefly and then disappeared again.

"How about a rain check?" This way, Chloe could help him figure out what to say. She was much better with words than he was, and could help him come up with something without his having to tell her about him and Whitney. She would just think it was typical Clark stage fright and not think anything further.

"Sure," Lana was saying. "Why don't you come to the Talon later?"

"All right."

"All right. See ya." Lana smiled and left.

Soon as she rounded the corner, Clark bolted to Chloe's hiding place. "Chloe!" he caught her up and hugged her tightly.

Laughing, Chloe, put her hands on Clark's shoulders. "Hey, Clark. Happy to see me?"

"You have no idea." He squeezed her once more before setting her down. "I've missed you."

"Yeah, I've missed you to. Since, you know, I haven't heard a peep from you in three weeks." She smacked him on the stomach lightly. "What happened? I've been sending e-mails and calling, and you haven't given me anything back."

Clark flushed and ducked his head. "I'm sorry, really. I...I've been in a really bad mood the past couple weeks. Major. I haven't been talking to anyone except the people on the delivery route."

Chloe nodded, looking concerned. "Yeah. Your mom said something to that effect when I called, but she didn't say what was wrong." She licked her lower lip. "I, uh, saw Lex last week. He looked like hell."

"Really?"

"Well, not to someone who doesn't know him, but he dropped by to give Dad some papers, and he looked... tired. And worn." She put her hand on Clark's arm. "What's going on?"

He sighed. "We... I don't know. We're taking a break, I guess. From us. He thought that we needed time apart."

Chloe's jaw dropped. "You're kidding. What happened?"

"We were fighting and I... there are issues, okay? Just...things. And he thinks I'm not dealing with them, so he decided that we should have some time apart to work through our separate problems before getting back together. But we're not broken up."

"Are you sure?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Last time we talked, he said we weren't." The bell rang and they started walking towards their first class, which was biology. "He says he has stuff to work out, too. That we depend too much on each other." Clark shrugged.

Chloe frowned. "I'm sorry, Clark."

"It's okay. I'm... I'm glad to be back in school. Back to something that resembles normal."

"Maybe feeling normal again will help you work through some of the issues."

"Yeah." Clark stopped outside the classroom and looked at the ground. "Maybe."

Chloe leaned against the wall, facing Clark. Gazing up at him, she put her hands on Clark's chest. "If I can do anything to help..."

"I'll ask." He looked into her eyes and smiled slightly. "Is this the necklace you and Sydney bought?" he asked.

There was a silver heart on a blue leather rope around Chloe's neck. Clark picked it up so he could see it better.

She blushed and nodded. "Yeah. She wanted to try and get it engraved, but we never had time."

"It's pretty." He closed the heart in his hand. "How are you two?"

"We're good. We're going to try the long distance thing." The one minute warning bell rang. She closed her eyes and wipe a drop of sweat that was rolling down the side of her face. "I'm so not ready for this. I think I need another week of summer. Just to get used to being here, you know?"

Clark nodded. "Yeah, I know."

"Hey, guys." Pete clapped Clark on the back and punched Chloe lightly on the shoulder.

Chloe smiled. "Hey, Pete." She pulled away from the wall and they entered the room.

The first thing Clark noticed was that all the girls were sitting on the left side of the room, and the guys on the right. That was weird, especially since he knew that there were several couples in the room who were never, ever, separated.

The second thing Clark noticed was Lana was sitting next to the only empty seat on the girl's side. She even had her backpack on the empty chair as if she was saving it.

"You can sit with me," Clark whispered, wanting to spare his friend any discomfort.

Chloe shook her head and looked at him wryly. "Really, Clark, you have to work on your observation skills." Then she pointed to the front board; scrawled across it were the words "Boys on the left, girls on the right," which actually gave Clark pause for a moment. Really there were better ways to rebel against directions than everyone sitting on the wrong side. Then he realized that the board meant left and right if you were facing the room from the front.

"Ah," Clark said, putting his backpack on a table. "You going to be okay?"

"Of course. I'm a big girl, Clark; I can tie my shoes and everything."

He glanced down. "You're wearing sandals."

"Details." With a flirty smile, Chloe made her way across the room and plopped into the seat besides Lana.

Lana immediately perked up. She smiled at Chloe, who returned it tentatively. Lana glanced away for a moment, then turned back and started talking. She sounded friendly, if a bit unsure, and Clark hoped that everything was going to be all right between the two of them.

"Good luck, Chloe," Pete said, looking at them. Then he groaned. "Oh great."

"What?"

Pete gestured at the projector that was set up in the middle of the room. "Every year the incredibly aged Mrs. Kowalski kicks off biology class with an ancient sex ed film."

Sex ed; should be interesting. Clark wondered if there was anything left about sex that he didn't know. Not that he'd ever had sex with a girl, but he'd read about it a lot and knew how--and why--it worked. Actually, everyone in the class probably did.

"Who told you that, your brother?" They sat at a table on the 'boys' side a few rows in front of Chloe and Lana. He glanced back and smiled at Chloe. She sent him a reassuring smile back, and continued talking with Lana.

"No," Pete said, voice flat. "My dad."

"Well, I'm sure it can't be that bad," Clark said, laughing at the idea of Pete or his own father in a sex ed class.

Pete grinned as if reading Clark's mind and shook his head.

And that's when SHE walked in. Long hair, longer legs, tiny, tiny purple dress that clung to her voluptuous body like a second skin, sweat dripping down the sides of her face, into her cleavage, big pouty lips and large Bambi eyes. She was gorgeous. Beautiful. Sexy as all hell, and every male in the class--and at least two females--suddenly sat up with a new and almost painful awareness.

The temperature suddenly got a lot hotter.

"Good morning. I'm Miss Atkins," she said in a sultry, kitten voice. "I'll be your new biology teacher on health and human development."

Her voice was so... seductive. It was practically a physical sensation, and Clark could feel it travel over his body, making him buzz.

She walked to the front of the room and pulled down the projection screen. "You won't have to sit like this all year, so don't worry," she said, bending over and giving the class a wonderful view of her ass. "The school board requires that boys and girls be separated during sex education, so I figure that it's okay to keep you in the same room, but on different sides."

Something hit Clark's arm. Still trying to look up Miss Atkins skirt, he leaned over to pick it up and fell out of his chair.

A few girls giggled; flushed, Clark glanced over. Both Chloe and Lana were blushing. They seemed... embarrassed, almost, like they weren't quite sure where to look.

Clark picked up the crumpled paper on the floor and climbed back onto his chair. He opened it; 'Holy fuck!!!! She's HOT!' was written on it in Chloe's handwriting.

He glanced at her and nodded.

Miss Atkins turned and delicately blotted her chest. "I'm really sorry about the air conditioning in here, but it looks like we're going to have to suffer through this together." She crossed the room and pulled down the blinds.

"Bring on the pain," Pete muttered under his breath, eyes huge as he drank in the teacher's every move.

Apparently oblivious to the lustful stares directed at her, Miss Atkins crossed the room, heading towards the projector. As she brushed past Clark, she glanced down and smiled.

He blinked and smiled back, flattered to be noticed. Her smiled widened, and, transfixed, Clark inhaled deeply.

The world started spinning. Arousal flooded him, causing his cock to harden.

Mortified, he moved closer to the desk, hoping that no one would notice. He didn't know why he was reacting so strongly to her; yes, she was beautiful, and sweaty, and wearing a dress so flimsy he could practically see through it, but she was a teacher. And, he was in school. Surrounded by his classmates.

He breathed in again and her delicious scent was inside him and he couldn't think. All he could think about was...

Lex.

He could smell Lex--he cologne, his clothes, and... him. The smell that was underneath all the artificial scents and made Lex Lex. Clark could smell him.

The movie started. It didn't make any sense. It wasn't even about sex or anything. At first, it talked about biology, then started showing a lot of animals happily humping. It would have been amusing, had not Clark been in the state he was in.

Still aroused and very confused, Clark turned to look at her again.

She was in the back of the classroom, one leg drawn up, skirt inched high on her thigh. Sweat dripped down the front of her dress in small rivulets, making her perfume even stronger. Clark sniffed again, and he could smell her. Lilac perfume and shampoo and....

Lex. She smell like Lex.

The image of Lex, naked and draped on the counter behind her appeared in his mind. The thought made him harder, arousal burning brightly in his belly. It felt as if his blood had been replaced with hot lava.

Miss Atkins caught sight of him staring, She frowned and shook her head slightly, pointing to the screen.

Obediently, he turned back. In his mind, he could see Lex drawing Miss Atkins hair aside and nibbling on her neck, his eyes trained on Clark. Eyes inviting Clark to come over and join them. Play with them.

Clark's eyes started to burn and he squeezed them shut, rubbing them.

With his eyes closed, the Lex-smell grew stronger. Clark could practically feel Lex's presence in the room. He'd never been so hyper-aware of smells before, but he'd never been near another person who smelled exactly like Lex--except for her own smell, of course. It was like she'd used Lex-scented deodorant today, or something.

He opened his eyes and glanced back at Miss Atkins. Clark knew that Lex wasn't there, but he had to make sure.

He wasn't. But, God, Miss Atkins was so hot, and she smelled like Lex and he could imagine them all together, fucking on the back counter while the rest of the class watched the movie and...

Clark turned back to the screen, feeling strange. He was still hot, but now it was concentrating in his head. His body felt cold and light, as if he were about to throw up, but his head--his eyes burned and pulsed. The heat was killing him, his head was pounding, and his vision was blurring. He couldn't see properly and he was so hot. Too hot. It felt like he were going to explode and...

Suddenly, his vision went red and heat exploded from his eyes. Two jets of heat spurted from his body and sprayed across the screen.

The screen burst into flames. Immediately, his classmates started screaming and jumping from their desks.

"Leave your things and walk quickly out the door!" he heard Miss Atkins saying.

Clark didn't respond. He was shivering as the heat slowly moved from his head back down to the rest of his body. The icky, sick feeling faded, replaced with a wave of relief. The pressure was gone, the pounding faded, and his vision was fine.

Fire. Hot. Heat. Head. Eyes. Pressure.

All summer, every time he and Lex had been together, he'd felt the heat build behind his eyes. He'd felt pressure in his head when he'd jacked off inside the barn. It had been growing stronger all summer and now...

It clicked in his mind and Clark groaned aloud.

"Ah, man." He hit his head once on the desk, and then set about cleaning up his mess.

________________________________________

"I can't believe you put that fire out, man," Pete said, clapping Clark on the back.

Clark blushed, his mind preoccupied with the horror that was a seemingly new power, and shrugged. "I'm used to it, that's all. I mean, sometimes on the farm the equipment goes up. I know my way around a fire extinguisher, that's all."

"Yeah, well, you just scored major brownie points with Miss Atkins, though. Man, I'd kill to be in your shoes."

"What do you think she's going to do, Pete? I mean, come on, I'm her student."

Pete nudged him with his shoulder. "Maybe she'll give you some private tutoring for free, man. If you catch my drift."

Rolling his eyes, Clark gently pushed Pete away. "Blind panda bears in China catch your drift, Pete. Jeeze." He ran his hand through his hair.

The squealing of tires tickled Clark's ears. His heart started to pound as he turned to see Lex throw open the door to his car and practically explode out.

His entire body lit up to Lex's presence. He couldn't stop the grin that spread over his face, or the flush. He felt light for the first time in a week, the depression and loneliness lifting. He should have known. He never should have doubted that no matter what happened, the minute Clark was in trouble, Lex would be there at his side.

"Lex!" he called happily.

"I came as soon as I heard," Lex said, making a beeline towards Clark and Pete.

It was when Lex was about three steps away from them that Clark noticed Lex wasn't looking at him. He was looking past Clark, at something--at someone else. Who?

"Lex?" Clark said, but Lex continued past him without a glance.

Clark turned, his happiness fading and watched as Lex went straight to Desiree Atkins. He took her into his arms and lifted her from the ground, kissing her passionately.

"Dude," Pete said. He shot a glance at Clark, face dark.

Clark felt as if he'd been punched in the gut. He could feel Pete's questioning eyes on him as Clark stared as his boyfriend kissing his teacher. Lovingly. Holding her close and...

Everything fell into place. Miss Atkins. Lex. Lex's scent all over her. They were... they had...

Clark began to hyperventilate.

"Pull it together, Clark," Pete said. He had a hand on Clark's arm. "Breathe deep; don't do this, man. Don't let that fucker... Lex!"

Concentration turned inward, Clark gazed down at Lex. Lex's eyes were bright, mouth moving. He said something to Pete, then turned to Clark. His lips were moving, but all Clark could hear was the turgid flow of his own blood as it painfully made its way through his body. It hurt to breathe.

"Clark," Pete hissed. He pinched Clark, which didn't hurt, but it was enough to make Clark realize that something had been said and he was supposed to respond.

"Huh?" Clark responded dumbly.

Lex's forehead crinkled in an amused frown. "I said I'm grateful."

"I'm confused," Clark managed, barely able to make his numb lips move.

He nodded once, face breaking out into the happiest, sunniest grin Clark had seen on Lex in a long time. It rivaled the smiles he'd gotten on the fourth of July, and on his birthday, and on the night they'd made love five times and...

Clark frowned and touched the space in his chest where he could feel Lex. The emotions still felt fuzzy and diluted. But the main emotion, distorted as it was, was happiness. Lex was happy. Insanely so.

"You're right, and I'm sorry." Lex turned to Miss Atkins and took her hand. "I'd like you to meet Desiree Atkins. My fiancé."

"Fuck," Pete said under his breath. He put his hand on Clark's back and opened his mouth to say something, but Clark elbowed him in the ribs. Anything Pete said right now would only make things worse. Not only would his comments need to be explained--which neither Clark nor Lex could risk--but they weren't going to help.

Pete took the hint and fell silent, content to shoot daggers at Lex and mutter under his breath.

Lex ignored him, used to being disliked by the younger man. His attention was focused on Clark, his cloudy eyes beaming proudly.

"All clear!" someone yelled in the background.

Unable to tear his eyes from Lex, Clark pushed Pete away. "I'll catch up."

"Clark..."

"Just go!"

"Yeah, okay." He kicked dirt on Lex's shoe as he passed, but Clark wasn't sure if Lex noticed.

"I'll see you in class, Clark," Desiree said. She kissed Lex on the cheek, whispered something, and left.

A moment later, Lex and Clark were relatively alone in the yard.

"Well, Clark? Aren't you going to say something?" Lex raised his eyebrow, fully looking like a man who was expecting to be congratulated on his wonderful catch.

"Yeah. I am." Clark took a deep breath. "Fuck you." He turned, ready to storm off.

Lex grabbed him by the arm. "I thought you would be happy for me."

Stunned, Clark turned back. "Happy for you? Happy for you? Why the fuck should I be happy that the man... fuck, Lex! I can't even say it here." He growled angrily and threaded his hands through his hair, yanking at the roots. "This is so totally unfair!"

Understanding washed over Lex's features, as well as a hint of confusion. He shook his head and rubbed his eyes. "I know this comes as a shock, Clark. And I never... I don't want to hurt you, but..."

"But what?" Clark lowered his voice and leaned closer. "You said we weren't broken up."

"I know. And I meant it. At the time. But things happen. People grow."

Tears clogged Clark's throat unexpectedly. "Are you saying you grew out of me in a week?"

"Maybe we've been growing out of each other for a while, Clark," Lex replied softly. "Maybe this is what we've been needing to realize that."

"I haven't... I never..." Clark closed his eyes. "I haven't grown out of you. I haven't been. I've only be growing into you, Lex. And this break... I thought it was so we could figure out who we were, not find someone else to... to hide from each other."

"I'm not hiding from anything. I met Desiree and realized I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her."

Clark swallowed hard. Taking a deep breath, he opened his eyes and turned to Lex. "Piek ric, Lex."

Lex's face softened and he touched Clark's cheek gently. "Me too. Always. But things are different now. I found Desiree. I'm getting married. Tonight." He hesitated, then reached into the breast pocket of his blazer and pulled out an invitation. "And I was hoping that you'd be my best man."

Clark inhaled painfully. "Are you trying to hurt me?"

"No. Just give us closure. So we can both move on. Please." His eyes were big as they gazed up at Clark. They were... blurry, almost. Unfocused. But, dammit, they were happy. Lex was so damn happy, and he'd been so unhappy lately. Unhappy because of Clark and if this was what Lex really wanted, could Clark refuse him? Could he refuse Lex anything?

"Please," Lex said again.

Clark felt very far away from everything, as if his mind were no longer in his body. He was flying, heading towards the nearest cloud, checking out from reality and going... going somewhere where maybe he could be as happy as Lex. Going away and not planning on coming back.

He saw himself take the invitation and heard himself say yes to Lex. He saw Lex light up until he rivaled Clark's favorite star, and saw Lex's eyes shine like they hadn't for weeks. He saw himself smile faintly and say, "I'll see you this evening then," and heard Lex respond, "Thank you, angel," and felt himself walk way, wondering how Lex could infuse so much love in the word, and look at him in such a way that made his eyes burn from something other than tears.

And, distantly, he wondered how he was going to get through the rest of his life without Lex.

________________________________________

"Fucking asshole!" Chloe shouted. She picked up her stuffed pig and threw it at the wall.

It bounced harmlessly and landed on the floor.

She didn't feel any better. In fact, if it was possible, she was only angrier. How dare he? How dare Lex do this to Clark. Chloe had been suspicious of Lex in the beginning, but he'd treated Clark so well, so lovingly that Chloe had believe he was genuine. And now this? They were broken up for two weeks and Lex was getting married? To a whore?

Anger closed her throat again. Blindly, she reached for her pencil holder on her desk and flung it at the wall.

It shattered loudly, pencils and pens flying everywhere, a few shards of the porcelain holder sailing in all directions. A few hit Clark, but he barely flinched.

"Chloe," Lana said, voice firm but soothing. "Calm down."

"Calm down?" Chloe whirled to face her, unable to believe what she was hearing. "Calm down! Lana, are you fucking insane? Lex Luthor is getting married, and you want me to calm down?"

Jaw tight, Lana grabbed Chloe by the arm. With strength that took Chloe by surprise, Lana yanked Chloe to the couch and pushed her onto it. "Yes. Take a deep breath and calm down."

Shocked, Chloe complied. Eyes locked in with Lana's, she took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Her pulse evened out a bit, and the shaking lessened.

Lana nodded in approval and turned to Clark, pulling his untouched sandwich from his lunch bag. "Clark, you need to eat something. Here."

"I'm not hungry." Clark's legs were pulled into his chest and he had hidden his face in them.

Chloe felt horrible. Clark had to have been walking around looking lost all day, and she hadn't been there for him. Biology had ended right after they'd been released to go back into the building, and Chloe and Clark didn't have any classes together until fourth period. When he'd walked into their English class, she'd known something was terribly wrong. He looked so disconnected, as if running on autopilot. It wasn't until class had ended and she'd gotten him into the Torch office that she'd heard the news.

Lex was getting married. That asshole.

Lana was sitting on the arm of the couch. "Clark, you have to eat something," she said as she ran her fingers through his dark curls. "Just a little bite."

"He's not a child, Lana."

"I don't know what else to do, Chloe," she snapped back defensively.

Chloe sighed. "Sorry. I know." She slid her arm around Clark's neck. "Don't do it. Don't go. None of us will go. We'll protest it together."

"No. I have to go. I promised."

"Why? He's cheating on you in the worst fucking way possible."

Sniffing, Clark lifted his head. His eyes were red. "I promised."

Chloe opened her mouth to retort, but Lana shot her a look over Clark's head. 'No,' Lana mouthed, shaking her head. Then, touching Clark's hair lightly, she said, "Lex made promises to you."

"We broke up."

"No, you didn't," Chloe said, managing to keep most of the anger from her voice. Lana looked at her approvingly . "You said just this morning that you weren't really broken up."

"I know. But... he's so happy. Like I haven't seen him happy in a while." Clark sighed. "Maybe he did just grow out of me."

"Then he doesn't deserve you."

"I can't condemn him for not feeling the same way as me, Chloe," Clark said softly. "I can't condemn him for trying to move on with his life. I'm just in high school; he's running his own company. I always thought... I used to know this wasn't going to last. That we would only have a short time, and then he'd leave and life would go on." He sniffed. "I forgot that, in everything. I let myself... fall into it all. But maybe this was inevitable. Lex is an adult, and in the pubic eye. He needs to be with someone the world can accept, and I'm not it." He stuck his thumb in his mouth and chewed on it furiously. "I think we were just fooling ourselves before."

Now there were tears in Lana's eyes. She looked away, covering her face, and Chloe knew that she was expecting her to take over. To say something that would make everything okay.

Chloe didn't know if there was anything to say.

"Clark," she started, but she trailed off, unsure.

Clark shrugged. "It's okay, Chloe. You don't have to say anything."

"I don't buy that," Lana said suddenly, her voice choked.

Blinking, Clark turned to her. "What?"

"I don't but that fatalistic stuff. Not from you. Not from Lex. He wouldn't do that. Even if you two did break up, and he found another woman to marry, first of all, not her. He's got better taste."

"You didn't see his last girlfriend." Chloe thought Clark sounded almost amused.

Lana frowned. "Huh?"

He shook his head. "Nothing. Let's just say, Lex has a penchant for busty brunettes in short skirts."

"Uh, okay." Lana shook her head, as if trying to clear it. "But I can't believe that he'd jump into marriage like this. Even if he did decide that he needed to marry a woman and have kids or whatever. If this happened a few months from now, I might be able to be convinced. But three weeks? No."

Chloe raised her eyebrow. It was easier to think now that the first blush of anger had faded, and Lana was right. Lex was not stupid or thoughtless enough to rush into marriage. Unless...

"Maybe someone found out about you and Lex," Chloe said, pulling her arm away from Clark. "Maybe he's marrying Desiree to stop people from talking."

Clark's eyebrows furrowed. "Why would he need to get married for that? He could just date. Establish his reputation as a playboy. I mean, he sort of has one, but he's never seen in public with a woman, never goes on dates... Why marry?"

"Maybe Desiree knows," Lana suggested. "Maybe she's the one who found out, and she's blackmailing him."

He thought about it for a long moment, then shook his head. "Lex wouldn't let himself get blackmailed like this. Besides; I would know."

"How, Clark? You're not a mind reader," Lana pointed out gently, but Chloe wondered. There were times when the two of them seemed impossibly close, and like they knew what was going on in each other's heads. Maybe...

"I just do. He's a good actor, but not that good. He couldn't make himself look that happy, not to me. I'd see it." Clark sighed and pressed his forehead into his knees. "He's in love with her."

Lana looked at Chloe, a helpless expression on her face.

"Hey," Pete said, sticking his head into the office. "How is he?"

Chloe snorted. "Oh, wonderful. How should he be?"

Pete shrugged. "He's not worth it, Clark. Not if he's doing this to you. I say that after school, you go to his place and tell him to fuck off."

"No!" Clark raised his head. "Don't you understand that I want him to be happy? And he hasn't been lately, so maybe this is what he needs? I don't understand it, and I don't know why, but... I can't. He needs me to be there for him." He sniffed and wipe his nose with the back of his hand.

"Clark..."

"Will you drop it?" Clark practically shouted. He rose, throwing off Lana and Chloe's hands, and slung his backpack over his shoulder. "Look, I think I need to be there. No, I know I do. I have to be by Lex's side; I can't cut him off. Because if that bitch does anything to him, he's going to come to me in pieces, and I want him to feel like he can always come to me. Okay? Maybe he's got me whipped, or maybe I'm just trying to hold onto him anyway I can, but this is something I have to do. And if you guys can't deal with that... then maybe you aren't really my friends. I'll see you later." He left angrily, not listening when Chloe and Lana tried to call him back.

Pete watched him go, then turned, an expression of disbelief on his face. "Wow. That was totally not like Clark, man."

"No. But no one seems to be acting like themselves today, are they?" Chloe sighed. She fell back to the couch and closed her eyes.

"I think Clark is better off without Lex. I never liked Lex."

Lana shook her head. "Yes, Pete, we know. But they made each other happy." Lana slid off the arm of the couch and sat next to Chloe. "I just can't believe that Lex would hurt Clark like this."

Pete chewed on his lower lip, which put Chloe on the alert. He only did that when he had something to say.

"Spill, Pete," Chloe ordered.

He sighed and bounced his fist against the wall. "Okay, earlier, when Lex got here? He seemed, I don't know. Like he was high. Just... weird. Not like himself. I wish you guys had been there; you both know him better than me. But he seemed off."

"Do you think he's infected by meteors?" Lana asked tentatively.

A thoughtful look crossed Chloe's face. "Could be. Maybe Clark can convince him to visit his doctor. Maybe she can spot an abnormality or something." She sighed and rubbed her eyes. "Until we find out what's going on, we need to stop bashing Lex and just support Clark. He's miserable enough."

Pete nodded. "Yeah, okay. I'm not going to the wedding though; even if I didn't hate the guy, I've got football practice. In fact," he added, checking his watch, "I've got to go. There's a meeting in about five minutes."

"See you in class, Pete," Chloe said, waving him off.

He smiled and slipped off, leaving Chloe and Lana alone in the office.

An awkward feeling settled over Chloe and she pushed her bangs out of her eyes. "So, uh. It's hot."

"Yeah," Lana answered. "You're going to the wedding, right?"

Chloe nodded. "I have to. For Clark. He's going to need the moral support."

"Yeah. I'll go too."

"That's really nice of you, Lana." Chloe glanced at her.

Lana looked pleased. "He's my friend. And I think I owe him. I..." She cleared her throat. "I sort of came down on him over the summer, and it was really unfair of me."

"Yeah, I heard."

There was a long silence. Lana was fidgeting with her bracelet. Chloe wasn't sure what to say; so far, things had been normal around Lana. Not perfectly, but it wasn't bad. It was nice, except Chloe was afraid that something was going to happen to ruin it all. Something always seemed to where Lana was concerned.

Finally, Lana cleared her throat. "Are we still friends?"

Chloe took a quick breath and smiled tentatively at her. "I'd like to be."

"Me too." She twisted a bead on her bracelet and said, "I've missed having you as a friend. I... uh. Well, you're my closest girlfriend. Uh... you know what I mean. Friend that's a girl. I mean, there's Clark, and Pete and I have been talking a lot over the summer when he came into the Talon, but... I don't have many--any female friends."

"Me neither. And, except for you, no one seems to want to give me a chance. Girls are friendly enough, but I'm so much of an outsider..." Chloe trailed off and shrugged.

"I think I've made myself an outsider. And, I'm fine with that. But I missed you."

Chloe smiled. "Yeah. I missed you too."

Lana grinned. "So, uh, did you have a good summer?"

"Yeah, I did. The internship was great; I learned so much. And made some great contacts, too."

Lana smiled. "That's great. I think it's wonderful that you know what you want to do with your life and you're willing to go for it."

"What about you? You're a manager of a successful coffee house."

"Well, yeah, but I don't know if I will forever."

"It's still great experience. It will look really good an a resume when you finally discover what it is you want to do."

Lana's cheek colored. "Yeah, I guess." She licked her lower lip. "And your girlfriend?"

Chloe's face warmed. "What about her?"

"Are you still together?"

"Yeah."

"Do you have a picture of her?"

Chloe studied Lana a moment, then reached for her backpack. There was a photograph of her and Sydney together on the inside of her organizer. She took it out and handed it to Lana.

Lana studied the picture. "She's beautiful."

"Thanks."

Lana looked at the picture a moment longer, then handed it back. Putting her hand on Chloe's arm, she said, "I'm glad you're happy. You deserve it."

"Thanks." She cleared her throat. "What about you?"

"Me?" Lana furrowed her eyebrows. "One of the guys on the basketball team--Mark--asked me out over the summer. But I'm really not interested in... well, him. But just dating. I'm not all that interested."

"You, uh... You looked sort of interested in Miss Atkins."

"No, that was you," she teased. Then she added, "I thought she was very attractive, but... kind of skanky. I prefer my women strong and intelligent and beautiful. She was too Playboy bunny for me."

Chloe laughed. "Yeah, you're right. Funny, though, how she doesn't come off as intelligent, and yet she's a science teacher."

"She ruins that with the dress. I'm fine with the cleavage, but you can't flash your ass at your students and expect to maintain respectability."

"True. Still, first impressions... wow."

Cheeks red, Lana giggled and nodded. "Yeah, I guess so." Then she sighed and laid her head on Chloe's shoulder. "I'm glad we can be friends again. I missed you."

Butterflies began fluttering in her stomach. Chloe put her hand on Lana's thigh and rested her head on top of Lana's. "Yeah," she replied softly. "Me too."

________________________________________

"Why do you build me up? Buttercup baby just to let me down, and mess me around," Lex's sang, his voice carrying over the sound of the shower and out through the door.

Miserable, Clark sat on Lex's bed--the bed he had begun to think of as 'theirs'--and listened to Lex sing. He couldn't remember if he'd ever heard Lex sing before. It was like Lex was so happy, he couldn't contain his happiness; it kept leaking out in different places, like the gleam in his eyes and his grin and the bounce and his step and... singing.

Clark sighed and ran his hand through his hair. His mind wandered back to a few hours before, when he'd gone home. He'd been dreading all day telling his parents that Lex was getting married. Explaining his new power had seemed much more enjoyable. Less painful, at any rate. It was a new power; he almost expected them now. Lex getting married... none of them had seen that coming.

Luckily for him, Clark didn't have to tell anyone anything. When he'd gotten home, Mabel had been in the kitchen, Martha had been wide-eyed with shock, and Jonathan had been in the field, taking his anger out on his work. Clark had been a little surprised to hear that his father was angry, but Martha had pointed out that they all considered Lex family now, and to have him betray them like this...

Martha had run into Mabel in town. Mabel had been fired by Lex that morning for refusing to bake the wedding cake.

"He says fired," Mabel had said with a defiant air. "I say quit. He's like a totally different person. When I managed to get him away from that tart to ask about you, he looked confused a moment, then repeated that he was in love with Desiree and going to marry her. How can he do this to you? How?"

Clark shrugged. "I don't know. I'm just as confused as you are," he replied.

He'd thought that he'd kept a brave face--after all, he'd embarrassed himself at school enough by falling apart, he didn't need to add to it by doing it here--but Mabel looked sorry for him anyway. She immediately rose from the table and went to him, hugging him tightly. "Don't go to the wedding, Clark. Stay home; I'll make your favorite dessert."

He'd hugged her back, feeling strangely comforted by her hug, then pulled away. "Thanks, Mabel, but I have to go. I think there's something more going on than Lex forgetting about me." Chloe had told him that Pete thought maybe Lex was being drugged; it fit with the unfocused vibes Lex had been sending off lately, so Clark decided to run with it and tell Mabel.

"I'll call Aimee," Mabel had promised when Clark had asked her about the possibility of Dr. Sutton checking Lex. "We'll find out what's going on."

It had all seemed so easy a few hours ago. He'd attend the wedding, stand by Lex's side, and pray that something was wrong. But now, sitting on Lex's bed, listening to him sing, Clark was growing more and more uncertain. Because even if Miss Atkins was doing something to Lex, and even if Lex still really did love him, and even if things were going to be okay, Clark still had to let Lex go for a while. Had to let someone else touch him and kiss him and sleep with him, and that was almost too much for Clark to bear.

"You look great!" Lex said, emerging from the bathroom with just a towel wrapped around his waist. His skin was flushed, eyes bright, and he looked relaxed. "That suit looks terrific on you."

"You should know," Clark said wanly. "You helped me pick it out."

Lex smiled. "I know. The opera is going to be the last week of November. He went to Clark's nightstand and pulled out a brush. "I ordered the tickets last week; we've got a private balcony."

"Great. What about Miss Atkins?"

"What about her?" Lex went back into the bathroom; when he came back out, he had a bottle of hair gel.

Clark tilted his head, watching Lex. "Is she going to come with us to the opera?"

"Why would she?" Lex positioned himself between Clark's legs, set the brush on the bed, and squeezed a dollop of gel into his hands.

"Uh," Clark said as Lex massaged the gel through his curls, "because you're marrying her."

Lex's hand's froze in Clark's hair, and his body stilled. He looked down and met Clark's eyes; Clark noticed that they looked a bit clearer than they had when he'd arrived at the castle. And he seemed more centered, too; less fuzzy.

"Huh," Lex said after a moment. A contemplative look on his face, he continued to massage the gel into Clark's hair. "I hadn't thought of that," he admitted. He wiped his hands off on his towel, picked up the brush, and began to brush Clark's hair. "Things... things are really going to have to change."

"Yeah." His voice was sad and he dropped his eyes to Lex's chest, which was a mere inches from his face. As Lex had predicted, the few tufts of hair that had been there over the summer had fallen out. Clark had made Lex promise not to shave them, a promise that he'd kept, and yet, once again, his chest was utterly smooth.

Clark cleared his throat. "I guess I should take my stuff home, huh? From my nightstand, I mean; you can keep my shirts."

"We can move your stuff to another room," Lex replied. "That way you won't ever have to bring anything over." His body was growing tense and he was concentrating hard on brushing Clark's hair.

"I'm not going to be coming over to spend the night anymore," Clark said. He licked his lips. "You can't expect me to sleep so near you while you're in here with your wife. Please don't ask that of me."

For a long moment, Lex didn't move. His chest rose and fell rapidly, and body was so tight and tense, Lex was giving Clark a stomach ache.

Suddenly, Lex pulled Clark's head back with the brush and looked down into his eyes. "I'll be in here," he said slowly. "With my wife. My... What..." Something passed over Lex's eyes, and the cleared and sharpened. "Clark," he breathed.

Clark looked up into Lex's eyes, his heart thundering suddenly. He sensed an opening for the first time since this whole thing began. Lex seemed almost normal. On top of that, he was confused and vulnerable. If Clark were ever going to try and force his way back into Lex's life, it would have to be now.

Eyes locked with Lex's, Clark ran his hands up Lex's back and tugged.

Lex fell into him willingly. His mouth was hot and hungry on Clark's, devouring. He pushed Clark back onto the bed, their legs tangling with each other. Lex's towel came loose as the kissed wildly, moaning and arching into each other.

Clark groaned as Lex brushed his erect cock over the hard mound hidden beneath his own finely tailored slacks. He was so hot, and his blood was racing through is body. It felt so good. So right. This was what Clark's body had been missing in the past weeks: Lex's body on his, mouth plundering his own, arousal and life and...

Heat. Heat and a horrible pressure built behind Clark's eyes.

"No," he moaned, licking at Lex's lower lip. His stomach tensed and vision went red behind his eyelids. With mounting horror, Clark knew that he wouldn't be able to stop it. He was going to explode.

"Lex!" Clark gasped, pushing Lex away. He barely got Lex off in time before his eyes erupted.

The streams jetted from Clark's eyes; by luck and a little skill, he managed to aim them into the fireplace. Flames licked along stones, the logs flaring as they caught fire.

And then it was over.

"Fuck, Clark." Lex had been tossed onto the floor; he rose shakily, looking upset. "How long has this been going on?"

Clark, sweaty, flushed, and overheated, hung his head. "Since this morning."

"Did you start the fire in class?"

"I didn't mean to."

Lex sighed and kissed his cheek. "So you can't control it, can you?"

Clark just shook his head. "I don't know what's causing it."

"Really? Because it seems obvious to me." Lex kissed him on the head. "Have you talked to your parents about it?"

"I've been a little preoccupied. Lex... I almost hurt you."

"But you didn't." Lex ran his fingers through Clark's hair soothingly. "We'll figure something out. Don't worry." He kissed Clark again.

"Lex." Clark caught Lex's body to his. "Don't get married. You still love me. We still need each other. Please."

Lex's eyes were so clear. So crystal blue and sharp as they gazed into his. "But... I love her." But he sounded so uncertain.

"You love me."

"I do." He caressed Clark's cheek with his knuckles. "I love you, Clark. I..."

Someone knocked on the door. "Lex? It's Dr. Sutton, can I talk to you, please?"

"One moment, Doctor!" Lex called back. "Put the fire out, Clark." He kissed Clark lightly on the lips then pulled away. He went into the closet while Clark grabbed some water from the bathroom. A few super-speed trips and the fire was out, leaving only a smoldering log behind.

When Lex emerged he was dressed in his suit that matched Clark's, sans jacket. He glanced approvingly at the extinguished fire and went to the door.

"What can I do for you, doctor?" Lex asked pleasantly as he let her inside.

Dr. Sutton entered in a swish of skirts, looking very different from the way she normally looked. For the first time, Clark realized that she was an extraordinarily pretty woman, and that she looked a little like Damien. Funny how he hadn't noticed it before, but he guessed he'd never really looked at her before.

She exchanged a small smile with Clark, as if to reassure him of the situation, before turning to Lex. "I was doing some experimenting over the weekend, and think I'm almost able to isolate the foreign chemical in your blood stream. I was wondering if you could come in this week so I could get another sample, and run some tests."

Lex looked bemused. "Is there anything wrong?"

"Not at all. But I want to try and replicate the chemical. Before I do that, I want to get a fresh sample to run some tests on. And I just thought it would be a good idea to do a check-up on you, just to make sure you're healthy as the weather starts turning again. I know you used to be prone to colds, and want to be prepared just in case."

"Very well." Lex shot a look at Clark, and then shrugged. "When do you want to see me?"

"Are you free tomorrow? You could come down to Cadmus labs and check on everything. It should only take about an hour."

Lex smiled and nodded. "Just make sure you tell Lila to put you in so I don't forget. It's hard to keep track of things without Damien around."

She laughed lightly and touched his arm. "I can imagine. Now, I'll let you finish getting dressed." Dr. Sutton smiled at Clark once more and then left.

"Lex?" Desiree walked in as the doctor was leaving. She looked concerned.

"Desiree. You look beautiful," Lex said; his eyes roved her body, which was displayed to perfection in her princess-like wedding dress.

She lowered her eyes and smiled. "Thank you. The dress is really beautiful; you have excellent taste." She came closer and kissed him on the cheek.

Clark could feel the difference immediately. As soon as Desiree got near, Lex started going fuzzy again. It wasn't happiness, though; it was different from before, when he'd been in the shower. Then Lex had been happy, but... sharper. More like himself. This was different. It made it hard to think.

"I couldn't help overhearing what that woman was saying," Desiree said. "Is she your doctor?"

"Yes, she is. Well, one of them. It's complicated."

"Are you sick?" She sounded concerned, but Clark thought he saw something else in her eyes. It wasn't concern; Clark wasn't exactly sure what it was, but it somehow didn't seem appropriate to the situation.

Lex smiled reassuringly. "No, I'm not. I haven't been for a long time. There are just some things she need to check with me. Really, Desiree; don't worry.

And there, again; a look that Clark couldn't place, but didn't seem very appropriate either.

Desiree glanced at Clark, then back to Lex. "I won't keep you, then; we need to get downstairs in a half an hour. And then," she tilted her head and looking lovingly into Lex's eyes. "And then we'll be married."

A shadow passed over Lex's face and he glanced at Clark. "Married." He swallowed hard. "Desiree..."

Without waiting for what Lex was going to say, Desiree pulled Lex to her and kissed him. After a long, passionate moment, she pulled back slightly, breathed on him a little, then kissed him again.

Buzzing filled Clark's head, and the empathic bond between him and Lex went so fuzzy that Clark felt drunk. And high. And... horny. Horny as all fucking hell and damned if his eyes weren't burning again.

Clark turned away and squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ^pull^ himself away from Lex as much as he could. It was harder to do than it was with the telepathic bond; this was all empathic. It flowed directly into Clark without his notice or will.

Finally--finally--Desiree pulled away. "I'm going to go finish getting ready," she said. "I'll see you later. Bye, Clark."

He cleared his throat. "Bye."

When the door closed, Lex clapped him on the back. "Come on, Clark!" he said happily, sounding as if he were floating. "I'm getting married soon. I need to get ready." Humming, he went to the closet for the rest of his clothes.

Heavy, and still fighting the horny buzz in his body, Clark followed Lex. Something was wrong; Desiree was doing something to Lex.

Now all Clark had to do was find a way to prove it.

________________________________________

"So," Lana said hesitantly. "The wedding was pretty."

Clark snorted and rubbed his eyes. "Yeah. Chloe said that only Lex could pull off a fantasy wedding like that in less than 48 hours. The funny thing is, I never figured he'd have to. Or want to." He sighed. "The fact that he pulled it off so fast scares me. Like he's been planning it for a long time or something. Weird."

There was a brief silence, and then Lana started laughing.

"What?" Clark asked, opening his eyes. He leaned against the counter, looking at her.

Lana shook her head, giggling, her cheeks bright red. "It's nothing." When Clark narrowed his eyes, she ducked behind her hair. "It's... I've been planning wedding after wedding since I was nine years old. And I'm talking seriously. Nell used to buy me bridal magazines; I have about twenty dresses picked out, locations, flower arrangements, the works. I keep the plans in a binder and... well, I have one wedding mapped out from when Whitney and I were going out, and one for me and Chloe. I've always been so focused on getting married and my wedding, it never occurred to me to think it was strange that Lex had everything so planned out. I could probably do the same thing.

Clark frowned. "You think Lex has been planning this? That he has binders and stuff?"

"I honestly don't know. But I wouldn't be surprised, knowing him. Lex likes to plan for every possibility, right?"

He frowned and traced a grain of wood on the counter. "I guess." Clark sighed. "You know, he and I had started... we were talking about life together. The future and stuff. Being together after I've graduated and... you know. I wonder if he'd planned a wedding for us."

"Maybe he did. He loved you so much." Then Lana gasped and put her hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Clark. I didn't mean..."

"No, it's okay." He covered her hand with his. "I know what you meant." Clark sighed. "I'm know she's doing something to him. I don't know what, but before Desiree walked into his room, Lex was totally normal. And when she left, he was high again." He pressed his hand into his stomach--the spot he thought of as his 'Lex-space.' Lex was blurred again, but happy, and aroused. Even though it wasn't as strong as it had been when they'd been in the same room, it was still hard to ignore.

"We'll find a way to prove it, Clark." Lana's voice was serious and deep, like melted chocolate. Ever since she'd found out about Lex, Lana had been calm and very... adult. For the first time in a while, Clark remembered why he'd idolized her for so long.

"I know." He smiled at her, feeling warm. Then, rubbing his eyes, he said, "I really don't want to talk about it anymore right now. How about we do the video letter?" Clark glanced at the camera that they'd picked up after they left the wedding.

Clark had gotten tired to trying to be supportive about two hours after the ceremony. On Lex's prompting, he'd danced with both Chloe and Lana, as well as a few women Lex had invited from Metropolis. Mostly, though, he stayed off to the side, wondering why the hell Lex had chosen to have the reception by the pool that nearly four weeks ago they'd christened. He said he wasn't trying to hurt Clark, but he was doing a damn good job.

When Clark had finally told him he was leaving, Lex hadn't been happy. Apparently, he'd expected Clark to stay until everyone had left. Clark had begged off, saying that he'd promised Lana that he'd do the letter that day.

"Besides," he couldn't resist adding. "With you married and all, maybe I do want to try something with Whitney."

Lex's face had contorted angrily. "Why would you do something stupid like that?" he'd snapped. "He's overseas. It's be better to date your ice princess for a while."

"Don't." Clark's voice had been hard. "I'm serious, just don't. You're married; who I date is none of your business. And Lana is my friend. Show her some respect." Then he'd touched Lex's cheek. "I'll call you tomorrow after school. Maybe we can get coffee?"

Relaxing slightly, Lex had nodded. "All right. Talk to you then."

Clark and Lana had left, inviting Chloe along, but Chloe was still unpacking, so she declined. They'd gotten to the Talon soon after it had closed, and sat around talking for the last half hour. It'd been nice, actually; Clark couldn't remember the last time he and Lana had just talked.

"Okay," Lana said, drawing him back to the present. She turned on the camera. "Whenever you're ready."

Clark took a deep breath and forced himself not to run his hands through his hair. Instead he plastered on a smile. "Hey, Whitney. Uh, I hope things are okay wherever you are. I know how hard things were for you during basic training, and I just wanted to say, uh, how, uh, proud I am of you for doing what you're doing. I think it's really great." He took a deep breath. "Anyway, things are pretty interesting out here. School started today with a bang. There was a fire during biology. No one was hurt, but I don't think anyone will be forced to watch that stupid sex ed video ever again. Maybe now they can get one that's really about sex, and less about animals, uh, humping."

Lana giggled, her cheeks turning red. She nodded encouragingly.

Licking his lips, Clark continued, "Well, I had a good summer. I've been practicing basketball so the next time you come out, I should be a good match. And, uh...well, uh... Lex is..." Clark throat closed up, wondering what he was supposed to say. Why he'd even started the sentence in the first place. "Lex is.... darn it. Lana, I'm sorry." He turned away abruptly and squeezed his suddenly burning eyes shut.

There were so many emotions churning in him, that Clark couldn't keep track. Anger and frustration and attraction to Lana and longing for Whitney, and emptiness from the lack of Lex and everything that was going on with Lex right now.

"Clark." Lana set the camera on the counter and wrapped her arms around his waist. "You don't have to say anything about Lex."

He groaned softly at the contact. The smell of Lana's honey lotion reminded him of Lex and the day they'd had sex in the office above the Talon. And then there was just Lana's smell: sweaty and soft and... just Lana. Comfortable and nice.

Lana was still talking, rubbing Clark's arm as she did. "Just keep it light and happy. Or informative. Or we could wait, but you were doing so well. Whitney doesn't need to know about Lex, not right now."

"I know." Clark took a deep breath and turned around. As he did, Lana let go of him and stepped away; her cheeks were a little red. "Whitney and I... we got close last semester. I told him about Lex before he left, and he... wanted to make sure Lex didn't hurt me. Because he's older than me. I was just going to say... I don't know what I was going to say."

"Well, maybe you can e-mail him about it then. So he won't see how upset you are. And," Lana shrugged. "I don't know. I just think it's too hard to talk about right now, and we don't know if this is permanent anyway."

Clark rubbed his eyes; they were still burning. "I know. I'm just so frustrated. I know it's stupid..."

"No, it's not." Lana gave him a tentative smile. "It sucks and it's hard and you have every right to be frustrated and angry and upset. I would be, if it were my girlfriend and she were marring someone else. Even if I knew something was wrong, I would be. You're only human."

He snorted. "Yeah." Swallowing, he took a deep breath and said, "Can I pick up from just before Lex?"

She nodded. "Of course." Lana picked up the camera and held it up again. "Go ahead."

Clark cleared his throat. "Anyway, I'm doing well. Pete's taping all the Shark's games for you, although you might not want to watch them, the way they've been playing." He took a deep breath, cheeks warming. "I miss you, and I do think of you. Come back soon." He waited a moment, then shrugged.

Lana turned off the camera and held it at her side. She had a thoughtful expression on her face, and a look that was so deep, it made Clark uncomfortable. It also made him afraid that he'd said too much; Whitney and Whitney's feelings for him were... private.

She didn't say anything, though. Instead, she set the camera down and said, "That was great. I, uh, I guess I missed something, because I didn't realize that you and Whitney had gotten so close."

"Oh, uh, yeah. We just sort of started hanging out last year. He talked to me about some of the stuff he was going through, and, after a while, I did the same. It was... different. From where we started, I mean. We just sort of became friends."

"Ah." Lana wipe her forehead. "It's hot. Do you want an iced coffee? I'm going to make myself one." She set the camera on the counter, brushing against Clark as she did.

The smell of her lotion and shampoo and skin surrounded him and Clark started to get dizzy. He didn't know what was the matter with him today. When he wasn't down in the dumps because of Lex, he was horny and confused and...

Oh no.

"Um..." Clark squeezed his eyes shut as the pressure began to build. He could still feel Lex inside him and knew that this wasn't totally his own emotions and attraction to Lana; he was being pushed. But that knowledge wasn't going to help much, now. "Lana, I..." He began stumbling to the exit.

"Clark? Clark, what's wrong?"

"I'm not feeling well," he managed through gritted teeth, as if not moving his mouth was going to stop his eyes.

Lana's cool, soft hand was suddenly on his forehead; Clark's entire body responded to her touch. "Oh my God. You're burning up. I'm going to drive you home."

The pressure was so intense, Clark couldn't keep his eyes closed. He fought against his lids, but it was like they flew up against his will.

The jets weren't even all that hot, at least not in his head. They were warm and solid and almost pleasant. All Clark knew was that the moment they started flowing out of his eyes, the pressure dropped, his muscles relaxed, and he felt so much better.

Well, except for the fire.

________________________________________

"Hey, Clark; I didn't expect you to be home from school," Lex said from the backdoor.

Surprised to hear Lex's voice, Clark turned. "I, uh... I wasn't feeling well," he said almost truthfully. There was a tin of popcorn on the table; nervous, he pushed it back and forth between his hands.

Lex entered the house carrying a bag. His collar was open in deference to the heat, a fine sheen of sweat painted his forehead, but somehow, he managed to look cool and unruffled. "Is the fire thing giving you trouble?" he asked. He set the bag down on the table, his wedding ring catching the sunlight streaming in through the window.

Clark frowned at the sight. "Yeah."

"Did you set the Talon on fire, Clark?" Lex sat next to him and set the bag on the table. He looked a little bit amused.

Clark flushed. "I take the fifth."

"I'm not sure it the fifth amendment actually applies to aliens, but I'll let it pass." He brushed some hair from Clark's eyes and added, "I'll also try to get the fire chief to drop any investigation into the fire."

"Thank you."

"Of course." Lex smiled at him softly and caressed his cheek. "I can't stay; I'm actually on my way to Camdus Labs, but wanted to see you first. I came to give you these." He pushed the bag to Clark.

He took it and opened the bag. "What are these?" He pulled out two CDs, a book on meditation, and another on repressed memories.

"The repressed memories book is a little bit heavier than the other; more technical, but I knew you would still understand it." He looked unsure, as if he thought that Clark were going to throw the books in his face.

Which he might have, had Lex not gotten married and Clark wasn't terrified of losing him completely. "Thanks." He managed a tentative smile. "I'll glance through them."

Relief washed over Lex's face. "The music is just to help you relax. It's good to listen to those while you're doing the breathing exercises I e-mailed you."

"Okay." He smiled again, bigger this time. "Thanks."

"Of course. You know I want to help you with this." Lex's smile grew. "I'm glad that you're trying to explore this, Clark."

"Yeah, well." He shrugged. "It still makes me uncomfortable, but maybe you were right before, you know?"

Lex took his hand and squeezed it gently. "You'll feel better once you learn to accept everything. I promise." He squeezed Clark's hand once more and then sighed. "I have to go. I get to be poked and prodded. You'll be okay, right?"

"I'll be fine."

"Okay. Call me if you need anything." He rose, still holding Clark's hand. His eyes were a little unfocused around the edges, but mostly clear as he gazed down at Clark.

Clark knew what Lex was going to do before he even more. Lex leaned forward and kissed Clark, their lips clinging together softly, reluctant to part.

Finally, he pulled away. "I'll talk to you later," Lex whispered. He brushed his lips over Clark's forehead and left.

Clark sighed and watched him go. Then, needing something to do to ease the restlessness and frustration running through him, he turned his heat vision on the tin of popcorn and let loose.

________________________________________

About the time Clark lit the twentieth candle, Clark realized that he actually liked this new power. It was cool, and it felt good. He liked being able to create light, or heat, or fire. He liked being able to control this; to look at something, barely concentrate and have it burst into flame.

Candle twenty-one caught flame. Clark grinned.

The smell hit Clark a moment before he heard the footsteps. His entire body tensed as he smelled the combined perfume of Lex and Desiree, wondering why the hell she was there and how he was going to handle this.

"Hey, Clark. You in here?" she called as her footsteps sounded on the stairs. A moment later, Desiree appeared. She glanced around the candle-filled loft and laughed. "It's a little hot in here for candles, Clark."

"Mrs. Luthor..." Clark started; he crossed his; arms over his chest and rose from his perch.

She shook her head. "Only at school. The rest of the time, I prefer Desiree." She lifted her hair of her neck a moment, sighed and arched her neck, and then dropped her hair. It fell back to her shoulders in a wave of lilac scent, tumbling around her face like she was in a shampoo commercial. "I went by the house, but nobody was home. And then I saw the light in the loft."

"Uh, yeah. My parents went into town..."

"Well, actually, I came by to see you." She took a few steps closer to Clark, gazing into his face earnestly.

Clark swallowed hard, his heart suddenly pounding. _She knows,_ he thought. The only problem was, he didn't know what she knew: his relationship with Lex or the fact that Clark was suspicious of her.

"Uh, really?" Clark asked.

Desiree nodded and ran her finger over her lower lip seductively. "Yeah. You see, most girls like older men, but not me. I like young guys. What they lack in experience, they make up for in passion."

Oh, shit.

Clark swallowed hard, and tried to pretend that she wasn't actually saying what he thought she was saying. Because she couldn't be. It didn't make any sense. "Is that right?"

A small smile curved her lips and she nodded. "I saw you staring at me the other day in class." Desiree advanced on Clark slowly, batting her eyes up at him.

Clark started backing away in earnest, feeling trapped and too hot. He stumbled over a chair and fell over onto his desk. "I'm sorry," he said, feeling breathless. "I, uh..."

Desiree stood in front of him, trapping him. Eyes hungry, she ran her hands over his chest and stomach, possessively. "No, it's okay. I was actually flattered. As a matter of fact, I was hoping we could work on our...student-teacher relations."

Oh fuck. Oh fuckohfuckohfuck. She wasn't... this wasn't happening. She didn't have her hands on him. She wasn't pressing her body on him and... What the hell was he supposed to do? Her lips were on his neck, and she smelled like Lex and perfume and what would she do if he pushed her away? What would she say? Would she even stop? Why was she here? And...

Her hand slid over his cock.

"No!" he yelped, jerking back. His head knocked into the lamp and he tried to control his shaking. "You're married! To Lex! My best friend, and I..."

"Clark," she breathed, leaning closer. "Relax." Her tongue licked along his jaw line. "I don't really want to be with Lex. I want to be with you." She threaded her fingers through Clark's hair and pulled him close. Her lips traced over his before she opened her mouth and exhaled hard.

Just like she had the day before with Lex, Clark remembered wildly, even as he fought panic to breathe.

"Lex is the only thing keeping us apart, Clark." She pulled her hands from his hair and began running them up and down Clark's body. "Clark..."

Clark squeezed his eyes shut and ordered himself to move his hands away from the desk, which he was gripping so tightly, he could feel the wood give.

Desiree's lips touched his own and Clark jerked away. He shoved Desiree as hard as he dared and darted to the stairs. "I...I don't know what you expected here tonight, but Lex is my best friend. I'm not going to do anything to hurt him. " He wrapped his arms tightly over his body and hunched in on himself.

Her eyes went wide, and a look of confusion passed over her features. "I don't know what came over me. You're just... you're so handsome and I... I lost it." Her lower lip trembled and tears rose to her eyes. "Please don't tell Lex about this, okay? I am so sorry."

Unable to help himself, Clark pulled away from her when she passed him to get to the stairs. Her wide eyes looked at him once more, before she fled down the stairs and into the night.

When she was gone, Clark sank to the floor, shaking. He pulled his knees into his chest and wrapped his arms around them, trying to get a hold of his reactions.

Desiree's scent was still wrapped around him cloyingly. It was driving him crazy, and without even realizing it, Clark was scrubbing his hands over his arms as trying to scrape her off him. When he realized what he was doing, Clark clenched his hands into fists and forced himself to breathe deeply. It was hard to think, but Clark didn't know if that was because he was scared and unsettled or because her perfume was stuck inside his nose and he couldn't get it out.

His right hand unclenched and he started rubbing his nose, mind furiously trying to work out what had happened.

It didn't make any sense. First she marries Lex and now comes onto him? God, was Clark secreting something to draw people to him? Did he somehow make Desiree attracted to him, make her want him?

"No," he whispered, shaking his head. "No, she's after something."

The question was, what? And why him?

It didn't matter. Not right now. And this... fear. He had to let go of it. He'd gotten away from her just fine, and she probably wasn't coming back. Right now, Clark had to warn Lex.

He uncurled his body and scrambled quickly across the room, snatching his phone. He tried the mansion first, hoping to get Lex before Desiree got home.

"Come on," he muttered when no one answered.

The phone rang six times before he was transferred to the security center.

"Luthor residence."

Clark bit back a sigh. "This is Clark Kent. I need to speak with Lex."

"I'm sorry, Clark," the guard said--it had to be Eric, since he was the only one who called Clark by his first name. "Mr. Luthor has not returned home yet. Have you tried his office?"

"No." Clark checked the time; it was nearly eight o'clock. "Are you sure he's not there?"

"I've just finished checking in with everyone, and they all report that neither Luthor is home. Mrs. Luthor... Oh. Mrs. Luthor just arrived at the front gate. Would you..."

"No. I'll try the office. Thank you, Eric."

"Of course, Clark."

He tried Lex's cell phone first. He was transferred immediately to voice mail, which meant Lex was using the phone. Biting back a curse, Clark waited for the beep.

"Lex! I need you to call me right away. As soon as you get this message. It's really important." He hung up and called the office on the off-chance that Lex was using his cell phone while at LexCorp; no one was there.

Frustrated, Clark pressed his hand into his forehead, trying to think. It was hard since the lilac perfume stuck to his skin was giving him a headache, but he couldn't take a shower until he'd exhausted all possibilities.

After a moment, Clark rose and went to his desk for his wallet. Dr. Sutton had given him her number the day before; maybe she knew where Lex had gone.

Unfortunately, he got her voice mail too. Dispirited, he hung up without message. "Help me, Damien; you're my only hope," he muttered. He'd already committed Damien's new phone number to memory; Damien had made him do it when Clark had seen him last, so he dialed it, praying that he'd be awake.

"Hello?" a vaguely familiar voice answered.

"Hi, this is Clark Kent. May I please speak to Damien?"

There was a slight pause. "One moment please."

A moment later, Damien's voice came on the line. "Clark? Are you all right?"

Clark snorted softly and shook his head. "Not really. I can't find Lex and I really need to talk to him. Do you know where he is?"

"Metropolis General Hospital. There was an accident at Cadmus Labs this evening."

"What happened?"

"There was an explosion in one of the labs and Dr. Hamilton was injured."

"Oh. Is he going to be all right?"

"That remains to be seen. Have you tried Lex's cell phone?"

"I got his voice mail."

"Ah," Damien sighed. "Then he's busy dealing with the situation. You'd probably to better to wait until tomorrow."

"It can't wait!" Clark said, hysteria rising in his voice. "I need him now!"

"Clark?" Damien's voice was low, suddenly; soothing. "Tell me what happened."

Clark started to shake again, and Desiree's perfume became more pungent and noticeable. "Uh... Lex's w-wife... Desiree?"

"Yes," he said darkly. "I know all about her. Dominic met him." He muttered something under his breath that sounded something like, 'fool,' but Clark couldn't be sure.

Someone else said something, but they were cut off very quickly.

Clark blinked and pressed on. "I t-think she's drugging him somehow. He's really out of it, or something. Just..."

"Clark, have you... Dominic, I need to be alone for a moment." There was a long pause, and then Damien asked in a low voice, "Have you attempted to read his mind to find out what's going on?"

He went cold. Clark had known that Damien knew he was an alien, but this...

Clark swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. "I can't," he croaked. "Lex and I sealed it off when we b-broke up. Or whatever we did. And Lex is so tightly closed, I think I'd hurt him if I ripped his shields away, and I can't... I don't even know if I'd be able to."

"I see." It sounded as if Damien sighed before he asked, "Have you seen her drug him?"

"Not exactly. But before the wedding, Lex started acting normal. We were kissing and... and then she came in and kissed him, and it was like Lex was gone. His eyes were unfocused, and he was different. Like he forgot what we'd been doing. And there's more." Clark swallowed hard and rubbed his nose again. "Just now, just before I called you, Desiree came into my room and she... she tried to seduce me." Try as he might to keep his voice level, the last part came out as a whisper.

This time Damien's sigh was louder. There was a soft rustling of sheets on the other line, and then another sigh. "What did she do?"

"Touched me. Kissed me. Said that I was handsome and that she wanted to be with me." Clark swallowed hard. "Damien, you said I was beautiful. That... that you were attracted to me. I..."

"I never said I was attracted to you," Damien cut him off. "I said that you were beautiful, and were circumstances different, I may have pursued you. But finding you attractive and being attracted to you is not the same thing. And I am not drawn to you in that way, Clark. I can admire your beauty and not want it. Do you understand the difference?"

Clark sniffed. "I... maybe. I don't know. But, you don't think I did anything to her? Or Lex. Or Lionel. Or anyone else who..."

"First off, Lionel's actions had nothing to do with your looks, no matter what he said. His actions were all about power--power over you and power over your father. It did not matter what you looked like; he would have tried it anyway."

"Okay. But what about everyone else? Am I making them attracted to me?"

"I don't believe so. I think that you are simply a very lovely young man and people are drawn to you. I don't believe that it has anything to do with what you are." He paused, then added, "However, if you are still unsure, you could always ask Dr. Sutton or Lex to do some tests. Just to ease your mind."

Feeling ill, Clark swallowed and shook his head. But he only answered, "I'll think about it."

"Very well. Now, about Desiree Atkins...

"Mrs. Luthor," Clark said dully. "Lex's wife and my teacher."

"She's your teacher?"

"Yeah. For biology."

"Hmm." Damien was silent for a long minute. "I don't suppose you'd consider pressing charges? What she tried to do was highly illegal. And that way she'll be in jail while I have her investigated."

Clark snorted and rubbed his nose again. "Damien, no one would believe me. I mean, an entire class saw me checking her out yesterday."

Damien thought a moment. "I don't know; you're very vulnerable when it comes to people giving you unwanted attention. And you look trustworthy. Perhaps if you told your parents and had them press charges..."

"No," Clark interrupted. "I can't tell my parents. They wouldn't believe me anyway."

"I don't believe that at all. Of course they would believe you."

Clark sighed and rubbed his nose again. "I'm too... embarrassed," he admitted. "And feel kinda dirty. I mean... she took my boyfriend away from me, and then was touching me all over. What kind of person does that?"

"I don't know, Clark," Damien answered. "I'll have her investigated, though. In fact, I'll run a preliminary search tonight and see what I can fine."

Clark sighed. With both him and Chloe working on it, they were bound to find something. "Thank you."

"I can hardly allow my employer to throw his future away on this woman."

"No. I mean, yeah, thanks for that, but, uh... thanks. I feel better." He held his breath, wondering if Damien would understand or get annoyed.

"You're welcome, Clark," Damien said after a moment.

After they hung up, Clark tried Lex's cell phone once more. He got the voice mail again, and left another urgent message. Then, leaving everything to fate, Clark rose and went to shower off Desiree's scent.

________________________________________

The next morning found Clark at school an hour early, trying to find out who Desiree was. He'd actually gotten there later than he'd intended. He'd gotten done with his chores early, ate a quick breakfast, but had been stumped getting dressed. His impulse was to wear long sleeves and a flannel; the weather, however, insisted he wear a tee shirt. Torn between needing to protect himself and needing not to be hot, Clark had spent fifteen minutes pulling shirts on and off before finally giving into the weather and taking off a half and hour later than he'd wanted to.

Still, his lateness hadn't put him too far behind. The first thing he'd done on arriving was e-mail Damien and ask that he send anything he found on Desiree to Chloe. Then Clark had tried to run a background search on her himself; it took a couple tries, but he managed to get the information he needed. He had just found her state driver's license information when Chloe walked in.

"Hey, Clark," she greeted. "Are you feeling better?

Clark looked up and smiled at her. "Yeah, a little. It's still too hot, but not as bad as yesterday."

"Good. Lana told me that you had a fever when you guys went to the Talon after the wedding. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you."

He shrugged. "It's not like there was much you could have done. And maybe it was better; Lana and I were lucky enough not to get hurt by the fire. I would have hated it if you had been there and got hurt."

She smirked. "I can take care of myself. I... What's that?" Chloe interrupted herself as she saw the computer screen.

"Mrs. Luthor's driver's license."

"So the new Mrs. Luthor has an alias. That's interesting." She reached over Clark and hit print. "I wonder what she has to hide."

"You mean besides being a boyfriend-stealing bitch?" Clark asked.

"Well, besides that. Huh; she's from Smallville. Why didn't anyone mention that?"

"Maybe she looks different? I don't know. Uh..." Heat rose to his cheeks as Clark snatched the printout from the printer. "You know...what would you say if I told you Miss Atkins a.k.a. Alison Sanders, showed up at my loft last night and.... tried to seduce me?"

Chloe laughed. "I say that you were either living the voyeuristic fantasy of every male student in this school, or just acting out one hell of a revenge fantasy."

Clark shoved his hand through his hair, shoulder's hunching. "I knew that's what you'd say. What anyone would say. I told Damien no one would believe me, and I don't think even my parents would believe me. I mean, I'm a teenaged boy for Christ's sake. No one would believe that I didn't want her to... I mean that I... that she would... and I wouldn't... They'd all think that..."

"Clark, what did she do?" Chloe demanded. She jumped from her seat and grabbed him, looking worried.

Realizing that he was freaking out, Clark forced himself to take a deep breath. Only then did he notice that he was shaking again.

Chloe rubbed her hand on his arm soothingly. "Clark, what did she do?" she asked again.

He shook his head, embarrassed. "Nothing much. Just came over and... and told me that she liked younger guys and that she saw me looking at her and thought that we could... could... you know." He swallowed hard. "Then she tried to kiss me, and she was, uh," his cheeks flamed. "Uh, she..."

"I get it, Clark. It's okay." She stroked his cheek. "She didn't hurt you?"

Clark laughed bitterly. "Like she could hurt me."

"Maybe not physically, but... you looked pretty freaked," Chloe said.

"Yeah." Clark looked away, unable to meet her eyes. "She made me uncomfortable, but when I got away from her, she left me alone. But she told me that Lex was the only thing standing in the way of her being with me. And that she didn't want to be with him, she wanted to be with me." He blinked rapidly. "No one would believe me, Chloe. I just sound like some hormonal teenager."

Chloe nodded, making a face. "Yeah, you kind of do. Except for the shaking and the tears."

"I'm not crying."

She didn't answer. Instead, Chloe massaged the back of his neck, trying to ease the tension. "Did she do anything else? Anything at all, because I've got to admit, I'm at a loss here."

"What do you mean?"

"Because--and this isn't meant to be offensive or anything--but she just married Lex; why does she want you?"

"I don't... I don't know."

Chloe bit her lip and pulled away so she could sit on the desk. "Let's say that she drugged Lex in order to convince him to marry her. Why?"

"Because he's rich?"

"Most likely. But he's hot, too. So it's not like she'd go to you to get good sex. Lex is, like, legendary for his experience, right?"

Clark shrugged. "I guess."

Chloe nodded, her brow furrowed. "She wanted something else from you. Walk me through exactly what she did."

He took a deep breath. "She came into the loft, and said that she noticed me looking at her. She said that we should work on our student-teacher relations."

Chloe snorted. "She didn't."

"Yeah, she...did." Clark smiled lopsidedly.

"Ah, man," she giggled. "That's totally lame."

"Yeah, well. She backed me into a corner and began touching me. And then, before she kissed me, she breathed on me."

Chloe perked up. "Breathed on you?"

Clark nodded. "Just... breathed. I don't know why, but she did the same thing with Lex before the wedding. Before she kissed him, she held him about an inch for her face, opened her mouth, and breathed."

"Huh." She turned back to the computer. "And she is from Smallville. I wonder." Chloe sat down and studied the driver's license on screen.

For a moment Clark wondered where she was going with that, then decided it was probably better to let her think everything through before asking for information. Chloe's thought process tended to be complex and convoluted; she was usually able to explain everything relatively clearly after she was done thinking, but during... It was nearly impossible to get her point. And, anyway, Clark still needed to talk to Lex.

"I'm going to take off. There is no way I'm going to go to her class today. I'll go talk to Lex while she's gone."

Chloe turned back to him. "Are you sure that's a good idea? I mean, telling him what she did. He might take it the wrong way."

Clark shrugged. "I can't not tell him. Besides, I know he still loves me. He came over yesterday to see how I was, and he kissed me before he left. She drugging him. I just need you to find out how."

"I'll get right on that. Good luck."

"Thanks. I think I'll need it."

________________________________________

Clark really hated being closed off from Lex. Not only had he been walking around feeling horribly empty and alone for the past three weeks, but he couldn't just ^reach^ out and see where Lex was. Eveyr time he tried, pain lanced through Clark's head, as if he'd ran head first into a wall.

He tried the mansion first, and found Lex in his newly redecorated office. He was leaning over his brand new pool table, jaw tense.

"Clark," he greeted without looking up. "I've been expecting you."

Clark hesitated just inside the door. Lex sounded friendly enough, but there was a tenseness emanating from him. And an anger that was making Clark's chest tight. But anger at whom, Clark wasn't sure.

At Clark's hesitation, Lex rose and rested against the cue, his hands wrapped tightly around it.

"Really?" The words were forced, and Clark felt breathless from the tightness in his chest.

Lex tilted his head and waited a few heartbeats before saying, "You can save the awkward silences, Clark. Desiree told me everything."

"Oh?" he said cautiously.

"Yes." He bent back over the pool table, anger sharpening. Clark was finding it hard to breathe. "All my life I've had to second guess the intentions of others." He made his shot. The balls slammed into each other with a force that made Clark flinch. "I'd reached the point where I'd started to think friends were a luxury I couldn't afford." He rose from the table and smiled, making his way to Cark. "Till I met you Clark. From the day you pulled me out of that river, you've been the one person I could trust completely."

Clark fought the urge to back away. Something definitely wasn't right, but until he found out what was going on, he'd play along. "I'm glad you feel that way, Lex."

"Maybe that's why I find your infatuation with my wife so troubling." Now his voice and face were flat, body completely still. His anger, though, sharpened, slicing through Clark painfully.

He forced himself to speak, realization of what that bitch had done settling in his mind. "My infatuation with your wife?" Clark repeated incredulously. "Are you insane?"

"She told me..."

"She came to me!" Clark said loudly. "She came into my room and came onto me! I would never..."

"Give me a fucking break, Clark! How gullible do you think I am?" Lex slammed the pool cue onto the table angrily. "I've seen the way you look at her. She told me you were eyeing her in class."

"Because she smelled like you, Lex! I could smell you on her and I... okay, yeah, there was a fantasy involved, but it was about you. I don't want her. I'm not infatuated with her. I love you."

"We're over, Clark. Get that through your head. I love Desiree, not you!"

Clark exhaled hard as the words slammed into him. "No," he whispered. Then he shook his head, trying to relieve the dizziness. "You don't mean that, Lex. She's doing something to you. She..." He trailed off under Lex's cold eyes. Numbly, he held out the printout of Desiree. "Here."

After a moment, Lex took the paper from Clark's hand and looked at it dispassionately.

"Your wife's real name is Alison Saunders," Clark said dully. "She grew up in Smallville. Did she tell you that?"

Lex's jaw tightened; Clark could practically feel the headache that had to be building behind Lex's eyes.

"No," he answered after a moment, looking at the paper.

"If she didn't tell you the truth about that, how can you..."

"She's my wife and I love her!" Lex shouted.

"No, you don't!" Anger swept through Clark, banishing the numbness. He closed the distance between him and Lex, taking him by the arms. Lex groaned in pain, but Clark didn't ease his grip, not caring if Lex bruised and needing to mark him anyway. "You don't love her, Lex." he practically growled. "She's doing something to you. Drugging you. Using your telepathy against you. Something! But what you feel for her isn't love. It isn't real. You love me."

"Clark..."

Clark didn't let him finish. He sealed off Lex's mouth with his own, kissing him almost brutally.

Lex went limp under Clark's assault. He moaned loudly, hand's bunching the material of Clark's shirt in his fist.

"Lex," Clark whispered. He slid his hands underneath Lex's shirt, skimming them over the smooth skin beneath.

"Stop, Clark," Lex panted. He arched when Clark pinched his nipple, hands convulsing. "I said stop."

"No." Clark bit Lex's neck and worried the spot.

Lex gasped and rubbed himself against Clark's hip. "I'll charge for rape."

Clark froze immediately. He turned his head to look into Lex's eyes, and was stunned by the deadly seriousness he saw in them.

"Why are you doing this?" Clark whispered, releasing Lex.

"You're the one trying to ruin my life. Why can't you let me be happy?"

"You were happy with me."

"And now I'm happy with her," Lex countered. "If you can't accept that, then I don't need you in my life."

Clark frowned. "Is that what you really want?"

There was a long silence that seemed to stretch out for eternity. They stood, looking at each other, not moving.

Lex's unfocused eyes were so confused. So torn. His anguish cut through Clark as strongly as his own.

"I don't... No." Lex rubbed his forehead. "I... but she... You and I are supposed to be together. We have a future. But Desiree..." He trailed off, looking lost.

"She's doing something to you, Lex," Clark whispered. "I don't know what, but she is." He squeezed Lex's arms gently. "Drop your shields, Lex. Open yourself up so I can see what's going on."

Lex blinked, and nodded very slowly.

"Lex?" Desiree called from the door.

Clark stiffened, everything in him tensing up in reaction to her voice. His eyes met Lex's, pleading.

Lex closed his eyes briefly and licked his lower lip. "Go," he said very softly. "I need to think."

"But what if she..."

"Go. Don't let her see how she affects you. Just go. I'll do it when I'm alone; I'm sealed up too much to do it right now."

Clark nodded and mouthed 'I love you.'

The lines around Lex's eyes eased and he nodded fractionally.

He sighed in relief and turned. His eyes found Desiree's and, instead of feeling self-conscious, he let his anger and righteous indignation take over.

"I don't know what you're doing to Lex, but I'm not dropping this," he said, voice hard.

She blinked and smiled slightly. "I'm not doing anything. He's in love with me; get over it."

He tightened his jaw, gave her a withering look, and left.

________________________________________

Fuck, fuck, fuck that queer little son-of-a-bitch for ruining everything. Goddamn him.

Clark Kent had seemed so perfect for this job. He was obviously attracted to her. He was young and handsome and so very impressionable. He was the type of boy that was dying to fall in love with a beautiful older woman, who shouldn't have turned her down even without influence from her pheromones. And, to make it even better, he was Lex's best friend. It was the world's oldest story: two best friends, torn apart over the love of a woman. It should have worked.

And it turned out that Clark Kent was the one fucking her over the whole time.

Fuming, Desiree smiled sweetly at the assistant principal and grabbed a stack of fliers from her mailbox. She really didn't care about her job; after all, she was only working there to get a kid to kill Lex. She didn't need the money--well, she wouldn't need the money once Lex was dead. Still, she might as well do the damn job until that time came.

Taking a box of tacks from the secretary, Desiree went into the crowded hall of the school.

Lex was nearly impossible to control. She'd never had this many problems keeping a man under the way she did with him. Every four hours, he fought through the pheromone haze and began questioning her. That was faster than anyone; usually it took about six, and that was only because the pheromones themselves became less effective. He was beginning to exhaust her, and not even sexually. It was becoming harder to produce the mist to enthrall him; she was afraid she was going to run out, something that had never happened before.

She had to find someone to kill him soon.

But first, she had to get Clark out of the way. She was trying to do it the nice way. She convinced Lex to close down the coffee house. It meant a lot to Lana and, if Desiree had read the dynamics right, Lana meant a lot to Clark. If Desiree showed Clark how easily she could ruin his friend's lives, hopefully, he would get the hint and back off.

And, if it didn't work, well... she'd think of something.

Why the hell wasn't Clark affected by her? It wasn't because he was gay. That had never stopped her before; in the beginning, when she'd been learning to control and use her power, Desiree had been trolled gay bars and seduced men. It had worked just as well as it did on straight men. It wasn't the sexual orientation that mattered, it was the concentration of pheromones pumped into a person.

Clark had gotten a pretty concentrated blast, yet he'd run from her like a startled rabbit. And he was continually convincing Lex to question her. How?

A sudden loud and very angry voice cut through Desiree's contemplations. She glanced over and saw Clark and Lana talking. Lana was in tears, face red and angry. Clark looked shocked.

Desiree smiled and hung up the flyer. Lex had worked faster than she'd hoped. She left the house at eleven, after fucking Lex on the pool table. Before she'd left, she told him what she wanted him to do and he'd promised to get it done quickly. Apparently, he'd simply tucked himself back in and got to work.

Clark saw her and strode across the hall. She could see how unbelievably tense he was to get near her. He wasn't just angry at her; he was... uncomfortable. Almost afraid. Interesting.

"Hello, Clark," Desiree purred. "Lana looked upset. Did she tell you what happened?"

"Yeah. She mentioned that Lex is closing the Talon, and somehow, I think it wasn't completely his decision." His hands were trembling, and he gripped his backpack strap tightly.

"Well, you're right. We made the decision as a couple." She turned and walked a few steps away. "I wanted to prove a point," she tossed over her shoulder.

Clark was suddenly in front of her. "To who? Lana?"

"No, Clark. To you. I want you to understand something." She stepped closer to him, watching him stiffen even more. "I can control the people in your life. I had Lex close down the Talon in a heartbeat, imagine what would happen if I turned him against this town. Your friends." She touched his face gently. "Or even your parents."

He jerked his head away. "I won't let you do that."

"You want this to stop? Then stay out of our lives."

"I'm not going to back off. And I'm going to find a way to get through to Lex."

She smirked, unafraid. But she was frustrated. This was supposed to have been easy but Clark Kent fucked this one up for her. Because Lex loved him more than anything, and he fought his reactions to her pheromones more successfully than anyone but Clark could. Which meant not only did Lex have to die sooner, but Clark had to be taken out of the picture now. He had to learn that when you play with fire, you get burned.

Desiree smiled at her unintentional pun. She suddenly had the perfect way to get rid of Clark Kent.

________________________________________

"Clark?" Martha called from outside the bathroom door.

"Yeah, Mom?" Clark yelled back. He rinsed his hair out and grabbed the shampoo bottle, ready to wash it for the fifth time.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine." He worked the lather up, washing his hair furiously.

There was a pause. "It's just that you've been in there for a half an hour," Martha said. "And you've used up the hot water. What's going on?"

Clark grimaced and rinsed his hair. Then he grabbed the soap and scrubbed his body. "I'm just... need to get something off." Desiree's perfume had somehow gotten stuck to him at school and Clark was frantic to wash it away.

"What are you trying to get off, son? You haven't started your chores," Jonathan pointed out.

Heat swept over Clark, starting at his toes and traveling up. His parents were standing outside his door, listening to him shower. "I'll get out," he called finally. Clark sighed and rinsed off.

"Get dressed and meet us downstairs. Don't dawdle."

"Yes, sir." When his father used that tone, he had to obey. Clark rinsed himself once more and turned the water off. He sped through drying and dressing, making sure to put on some of the aftershave Lex had given him, just to cover up the smell that he knew--he knew--wasn't there anymore, and yet Clark could feel it.

His parents were waiting for him in the living room. Martha had a pitcher of lemonade waiting, and three glasses. She looked worried.

"Are you okay, honey?" she asked, rising from the couch when Clark made it down the stairs.

Clark shrugged and moved to tug his sleeves over his hands, but realized that he was wearing short sleeves. "Yeah, I guess." He hesitated a moment, then sat down in the arm chair. "Lex is closing the Talon."

Martha handed him a glass of lemonade and sank back down. "What?"

"He told Lana that he was invoking the buyout clause in their deal, and buying her out. He's evicting her. And..." He bit his lip, unsure of what to say.

"And what, Clark?" Jonathan prompted.

"I went to talk to Lex this morning. He wouldn't return my calls last night, and I had to see him. I just barely got through to him, but Desiree interrupted us. And later, when I saw her at school--when Lana told about the Talon--Desiree said that she was doing it to show me that she can control the people in my life. And that she made Lex do this." He looked nervously down at his lemonade, feeling ill. Lex was buzzed again, and had never lowered his shields. Clark had been trying to get in, but all he'd gotten was the beginnings of a headache.

"Why is she angry at you?" Martha asked. "Does she know about you and Lex?"

Clark hitched a shoulder. "I don't know. I, uh, when I was over at Lex's, I kissed him. I was trying to get him to come to his senses, but it didn't work. I still had him when she walked in, but we weren't kissing or anything." He began feeling hot and cold all at once, heart pounding hard enough that he could hear it in his ears. Strangely, though, he couldn't really feel the pounding, just the pulse of blood at his wrists and the big vein in his neck. "She... Miss... Desiree... She, uh... she came over last night, when you were in town. Into my room. She, uh..." Fuck, his throat had closed up. He tried to clear it. "She, uh, tried to seduce me."

There was a long, stunned silence.

"Say that again, son?"

"Last night she came into my room and tried to... do stuff. Seduce me. She said she wanted to be with me, and not Lex, and she..." He broke off and forced himself to breathe.

"Clark," Martha said angrily, "why didn't you tell us about this earlier?"

Clark flinched and shrugged again. "I... I didn't know what to say. I guess I was embarrassed."

"We're not mad at you, Clark." Martha's voice was suddenly soft and soothing. She reached out her hand.

When Clark raised his eyes, he could read the concern etched across Martha's face. He felt so stupid. Stupid for telling them, stupid for hiding it. Stupid for still feeling that it was his fault. Stupid that it had happened in the first place.

He sniffed and took her hand, needing the reassurance and feeling stupid for that too.

"Well," Jonathan said after a moment. He sat on the arm of the chair Clark was in and put his hand on Clark's shoulder. "I don't know what we can do about the Talon. I mean, it's not against the law to sweet talk your husband into making a bad business decision."

"No." Martha was upset again. She rose, still holding Clark's hand; she was trembling. "But trying to seduce a teenage boy is. I'm calling the school board first thing in the morning and getting that woman suspended."

Clark licked his lips. "They won't believe me, Mom."

"Yes," she said fiercely, pulling him into her. "They will."

There was a knock at the door. Clark ignored it as his father rose, and hugged his mother tightly. He had been so afraid that she wouldn't believe him. Even though she knew him, knew that he would never do something like that, he couldn't make himself believe it. Especially not right now, when everything seemed so unreal and messed up. Part of it, he knew, had to be borrowed from Lex. Lex was so out of it most of the time, even though it Clark wasn't in his mind, the little bit he picked up from the empathic bond was enough to throw the world into distortion. Add to the unreality of everything anyway, and Clark wasn't sure what he could count on right now.

"...claims she saw Clark set her car on fire," Ethan finished saying.

Adrenaline shot through Clark so fast that he was on his feet before he knew it. She wouldn't have. She couldn't...

Ethan pulled out his handcuffs, looking sympathetic. "That's three suspicious fires in as many days, Clark. I'm afraid I'm going to have to take you into custody until we can sort this out."

Clark protested, of course, but his father told him to play along. After all, he was innocent. That's all that mattered, and everything was going to be okay.

But, hours later, sitting in the small cell, giving himself a headache so powerful that he actually threw up for the first time in years trying to get through to Lex, Clark couldn't believe that anymore. Everything just kept getting worse.

________________________________________

"Clark," Deputy Sara Williams said, shaking him gently.

He awoke with a start, biting back a scream. "Wha..." he managed, squinting against the harsh light that practically blinded him.

Deputy Williams rose. "You were screaming. Are you all right?"

Wiping sweat from his face, Clark forced himself to sit up. His body was sore, and his head still ached terribly. No matter what he tried, he could not rip the shields from Lex's mind. Lex had gotten too good at blocking him out.

"Yeah," he said after a moment, throat dry. "I'm okay." He rubbed his eyes. "Just a nightmare."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

"Okay, then. I'm going back out front."

Clark nodded and watched her lock him back into his cell. When she was gone, he sighed and rested his head against the wall.

He'd dreamed about the ship again. This time, though, Lex found it. He showed it to Desiree, and then they'd decided to take Clark to Camdus Labs and do experiments on him. They were about to start one when the ship attacked, killing Lex horribly.

Clark pulled his legs onto the bed and folded them under him. Contrary to his promises to Lex, Clark had not yet started doing any of the relaxation exercises or memory explorations yet. At first he'd still been too angry. Even though he'd been pleased that Lex was still thinking about him, Clark resented Lex doing this to him. Abandoning him to face this... this thing alone.

The thing was... Lex was right. As much as Clark hated to admit it. Maybe not for the reasons Lex thought he was right. Clark was still sure that he could go through life perfectly happy never really thinking about being what he wa... about being an alien. After all, it wasn't like Lex went around thinking of himself as a bald genius all the time. Why should Clark have to think about it all the time?

But, Clark needed to stop having nightmares. He needed to get his ship back. And... and he needed to remember his birth parents.

He couldn't explain that last one except to say that there was an aching hole inside him, and every time he dreamed or accidentally thought of Sheal, it hurt even more. And maybe the only way to make the pain go away was to get used to it. To explore the memory, remember her, so Clark could put it behind him.

He didn't want to start with nightmares, though. Especially not that one. It had nothing to do with the ship, and everything to do with the terrible fear that a) he was going to lose Lex forever and b) Lex was going to turn him in.

Futilely, he ^ran^ into Lex's mental shields, trying to get in. All he got was renewed pounding in his head.

It was getting him nowhere. And now he was feeling sick again. Clark had to try something else.

He stretched out on the cot and put his hands on his stomach. Closing his eyes, Clark concentrated on his breathing, trying to make each breath deep and full. If he stayed in here any longer, he'd ask his mother to bring him one of the books Lex had brought him, but right now, he could just practice breathing evenly.

He called up the image of Kiptin. He wasn't quite sure how to call up a memory, but going to Kiptin seemed to be a good place to start.

The walls slowly formed around him. He could smell the candle. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, but it didn't give off any heat. In fact, it was cold. Comfortable. For the first time all summer, Clark felt at ease.

His muscles began to unknot. His breathing even out and a feeling of utter calm washed over Clark. The jail cell and the cot he was sitting on disappeared; instead, Clark was stretched across the bed, reveling in the softness as it conformed to his body.

And the he heard a voice.

 _I don't want to go back, Kal. I like it too much here. Even when you're gone, I can still feel you. Why would I want to go where you aren't?_

Clark opened his eyes. On the floor in front of the fire were two children. Lex still had hair, and Clark... He looked exactly like he did in the pictures at home.

Lex was gazing at him though large eyes adoringly. "I want to be with you forever, Kal. We can stay here. Wouldn't you like to stay here?"

Kal--it was just easier to think of the child sitting there with Lex as 'Kal' somehow--smiled at Lex and touched his cheek. He didn't understand what Lex was saying.

And Lex knew it. He sighed, lower lip trembling. "You'll leave again. Go home and see your Mom and Dad. I mean... uh... Sheal?"

"Sheal?" The Kal looked around, as if expecting her to appear.

"No, Kal. She's not here." Suddenly, Lex looked up to the ceiling; he cringed and crawled closer to Kal. "I can hear Dad again. He's angry. He's yelling." He put his arms around Kal and squeezed him tightly. "Promise me we can stay here forever. Promise."

Kal didn't answer. He just put his arms around Lex and held him tightly.

They started fading. Clark tried to hold onto the image, or call up a new one, but the next thing he knew, he was back in the jail cell and it was morning.

________________________________________

"Dad?" Clark said, crouching in front of his father. He touched his father's head gingerly, checking for any bruising. He was afraid that'd he'd really hurt his father, but everything had been happening so fast, that Clark had reacted without thinking.

Eyes still closed, Jonathan groaned. His hands clenched on the shotgun.

Before Jonathan could wake up and do anything with it, Clark pulled it away, took out the bullets, and placed the gun on the bookshelf.

"Lex," he said, glancing over his shoulder. "I think I really hurt him."

Lex, who was just hanging up the phone, frowned and limped over. "Mr. Kent?"

"What?" Jonathan's eyes flew open. "What are you doing here? Where's Desiree? What..." He struggled to his feet, but Clark held him back.

"He's still under." Clark swore and glanced over at Desiree, who was tied up on the other side of the room. "How long does this stuff work?"

"Fuck you," was her answer.

Clark strode across the room and pulled her to her feet. "How long?" he demanded, shaking her.

Her eyes widened. "S-six hours. More or less."

"How do I make it shorter?"

"Stop hurting her!" Jonathan howled.

"Clark, I can't hold him," Lex warned, voice tight.

"I don't... I don't know. I've never tried." She shook her head hard. "I swear, Clark, I don't know."

Clark believed her, so he let her go and turned around. "We really need someone to take her, Lex. And... Dad, no!"

Jonathan shoved Lex into the desk. Lex stumbled and hit it hard, barely catching himself from slamming face first against it.

Free now, Jonathan lurched across the room, intent on rescuing Desiree.

Clark caught him around the waist. "Sorry Dad," he said, imprisoning his struggling father. "But this is for your own good." He tossed his father over his shoulder. "I'm going to try and wash it out of him. Don't get near Desiree."

"Dr. Sutton is on her way. So are the police; I told them only Deputy Williams can be near her," Lex said. "I'll be fine."

He nodded once, then took off. His father started shouting, but Clark was at the pool before he had taken more than a deep breath.

"Hold your breath." Clark tossed his father into pool.

Jonathan landed with a huge splash and began floundering. "Clark!" he shouted. His head dunked under the water, but he struggled to the surface, taking deep, gasping breaths.

Clark bit his lip, watching as his father struggled to kick his boots off. Every time his head disappeared under the water, he exhaled through his nose, bubbles rising to the surface. With any luck, Clark's theory would be right, and Jonathan was expelling at least some of Desiree's pheromones. He had remembered how lucid Lex had seemed when he'd gotten out of the shower on his wedding day. Not only had his sinuses been cleared from the steam, but anything that had clung to his clothing had been stripped away. While Clark wasn't going to take his father's clothes off, he could do the next best thing and give him a bath.

The boots came off and Jonathan rose to the surface again. He was gasping for air as he slowly kicked his way to the side. Clark sat down, watching his father warily. Truthfully, he hadn't expected him to take the time to kick off his shoes. Clark had figured he'd either have to jump in and dunk him, or wait until Jonathan was close enough to push him under

"What did you do that for?" Jonathan demanded when he made it to the side.

"Why did you try to kill Lex?"

"Because..." Jonathan frowned and licked a drop of water from his upper lip. "Because I...I don't know. I..."

"It's okay, Dad," Clark sighed and rubbed his forehead. "I understand."

"No, Clark..." He hauled himself out of the pool and sat next to Clark. "I don't know what came over me."

Clark hitched a shoulder. "It was her. She's got these... Chloe said they were pheromones. She pumps them into men and then makes them do stuff for her. That's why." He rubbed his forehead again, uncomfortable. He hated having to explain this to his father. Tell him that his hormones had gotten the best of him and he'd basically been a sex slave. It was bad enough that Clark's boyfriend had fallen victim, but his father? He didn't even like to think of his own parents having sex, and he definitely didn't want to think what Desiree had made his father do.

Jonathan sighed heavily and covered his face. "God. This is worse than that Nicodemus flower. I can remember everything except why I felt so driven."

"It' s okay, Dad." Clark chewed on his thumbnail, for a moment. "You weren't responsible for your actions," he said after a moment. His cheeks went crimson, so he rose, needing to put some distance between him and his father.

"Clark." Jonathan stood as well and caught Clark by the arm. "Nothing happened."

"Dad..."

"No." He urged Clark to turn around, and looked into his face earnestly. "I want you to know that nothing happened. She and I didn't do anything. I got here, she was swimming, and she... I guess she pumped her pheromones into me and told me what she wanted me to do. We didn't have sex."

Clark felt like he was on fire. Embarrassed, he closed his eyes and pulled away. "I believe you, Dad." He crossed his arms over his chest."

"Good. Then what's going on?"

"Nothing," Clark said shortly. "I'm worried about Lex, that's all. He's hurt."

Jonathan narrowed his eyes and tilted his head. "You seem like you're angry at me."

He forced himself to look at his father, stomach queasy. "I'm not angry, Dad. I'm just stressed. And... shaken." When his father didn't say anything, Clark sighed. "I mean, you're my dad, you know? Seeing you like that was weird. All... angry and about to shoot Lex. You were going to kill him because she told you too. Because she made you."

Jonathan nodded slowly. "I'm sorry I let you down," he said a bit stiffly.

"No." Clark shook his head. "You didn't let me down. It's just... I mean, when you were a kid, didn't you think that your dad was like... like a super hero or something? Like nothing could hurt him?"

"For a while, yes."

"I know that you're not, but it's kind of hard to deal with actual evidence that you're not. She didn't even phase me. She came into my room and tried to seduce me, and nothing. And then, she breathes on you, and suddenly, you can't control yourself any more. It's stupid, but it's like I keep getting these huge slaps in the face reminding me that you're human like everyone else. That you're going to screw up sometimes, and it's just weird. And seeing you like that... with a gun pointed at Lex, and so angry at him... I think that was harder to take than anything else has been."

Jonathan frowned. "I'm sorry, Clark. I know it's difficult to see your parents fall from grace, but other than today, what have I done that was so drastic? I mean, I know I'm not perfect, but what have I done to slap you in the face?"

Clark broke into a sweat, going cold. He shook his head and smiled weakly. "I was exaggerating, Dad. I mean, there's a few things. Like the fact that you ran out into tornado. That was kind of hard to wrap my mind around. After all those years of you pounding into my head about staying safe, you did something like that. And I know it was for a good reason, but still. It was kind of hard to wrap my mind around."

Jonathan snorted. "This coming for the boy who jumped into the tornado. You know what they say about glass houses, son."

He managed a laugh and nodded. "Yeah, okay. I get it." This time, his smile was genuine. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Me too." He hugged Clark. "Thanks."

Clark hugged his father back, feeling a little calmer. His father was back, and even if he did shine a little less brightly, this incident wasn't going to haunt Clark. At least, it wouldn't haunt him like the image of Jonathan kneeling underneath Lionel's desk did. Desiree was a freak of nature that wreaked havoc where she went. But she was just that: a force of nature, unpredictable, but fleeting. And it hadn't been personal, not really.

Lionel on the other hand, was totally personal.

"Are you okay?" Jonathan released Clark. "You tensed up."

"It's been a long day," Clark answered weakly.

He was saved by a throat clearing behind them.

Clark turned. "Lex. Are you okay?"

He nodded, but he didn't look okay. He as extremely pale and trembling. "The sheriff wants to ask you a few questions, Mr. Kent. He's in my office. Deputy Williams has already taken Desiree away; I've talked to them, and they're having her immediately transported to the psych ward at the women's hospital in Metropolis. Damien's calling them to arrange for an entirely female staff to deal with her."

Jonathan nodded and walked to Lex. "Lex... I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"No. I mean, yes, I'm sorry for trying to kill you. But..." He glanced back at Clark, and said, "I'm sorry for doubting you. For thinking that you would hurt my son. I shouldn't have."

Lex smiled wanly. "Thank you, Mr. Kent. But, believe me, in your shoes, I would have been just as angry."

Jonathan smiled, clapped Lex gently on the shoulder, and left.

Clark went to Lex. "Are you okay?"

"I'll be fine. But I think you should go home right now. I'll talk to the Sheriff about your escape, but I don't want them taking you anywhere."

"Yeah, okay." He kissed Lex on the cheek. "Go to the hospital; get yourself checked out."

"I will. Clark." Lex caught his arm before Clark left. "I think you should tell your father what Dad did to you. And you should tell him that you know what Dad did to him."

Clark paled. "No, Lex..."

"Clark," Lex said. "It's bothering you. I can tell. I don't want it to come out at the wrong time."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't want it to come out when you're angry at him."

He laughed in disbelief. "Why would it? I'm not angry at him, Lex. I’m not going to say anything. I couldn't do that to him."

"Because you both need to talk about it. Trust me, Clark; things like this just come back to haunt you."

"No." Clark tugged his arm away. "There's no need. Go get checked out. I'm going home." And then Clark took off before Lex could say anything more.

________________________________________

It was night before Clark felt able to relax. After his parents had left for a romantic dinner in Metropolis, he'd set out to do everything he could to clear his mind. That included all his chores, all his homework for the weekend, cleaning the entire house and his room, and running around the property a few times. By the time he'd done all that, his mind was a little more settled, body tired, and he was able to lie still in his hammock and concentrate on his book.

He was still worried, though. Worried that Desiree would break out and come after him or Lex. Worried that she'd try it again on someone else. He felt guilty, like there was something he was supposed to be doing to make sure she never used her powers like that again. But there wasn't anything he could do. All he could ever do was stop the mutants from hurting his friends and hope that wherever they went was enough to keep them and everyone else safe.

Clark rubbed his eyes wearily.

He already had enough on his mind. He didn't need to worry about things he couldn't change. There was nothing he could do about the mutants. And, as his father would say, Clark didn't need to go borrowing trouble. He had enough of his own. After all... he was an alien.

Was that why hadn't Desiree affected him? Because he was an alien? Clark had never really stopped to wonder until Chloe had made her comment at the jail.

"It's a good thing that Clark is immune to some members of the opposite sex," or whatever she'd said.

She'd meant it as a joke. Her eyes had been smiling when she said it, and her tone had been light. But still, he wondered. It wasn't like he hadn't been attracted to Desiree, because he had. At first. He thought. Unless he'd just been reacting to Lex's smell on her. And did that mean that Clark was attracted to Lex's pheromones? The video had made it sound like it only worked for the opposite sex, like men were only attracted to women's pheromones. Of course, the film had been made back in the fifties or something, so it would only say that. But, still, it made him think. He was drawn to Lex, powerfully. What about Chloe and Lana? He was attracted to them, but not as strongly as Lex. Hell, he wasn't attracted to anyone like he was to Lex.

Why hadn't it worked on him? Was it because he was immune to Desiree in particular, or was it because the intensity didn't bother him because he was an alien, or... or...

Did pheromones just not affect Clark at all? Maybe he was attracted to Chloe and Lana because they were good looking and he was attracted to Lex because of the bond. And maybe he was only attracted to people who weren't Lex because he'd thought he was supposed to be. Because all his life, he thought he was human it was normal human behavior to find a partner who was from the opposite sex.

So maybe Clark wasn't really attracted to anyone but Lex. Maybe all his life, Clark had thought he was attracted to other people because that was what was expected of him. Everyone looked for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Therefore, why wouldn't Clark be? It never had occurred to him that maybe, just maybe, he wasn't attracted to anyone.

With a guilty start, Clark realized that these were probably the types of things Lex wanted him to think about. For a moment he wavered between pulling out his journal to write the questions down and shutting down the line of thinking completely. He knew that the latter impulse was stupid and immature, but he couldn't help it. Clark couldn't help but feel if he and Lex hadn't closed the bond and 'backed off' for a while, this wouldn't have happened. Desiree wouldn't have been able to get as much control over Lex, and things would have been fine.

"Clark?" Lex's voice floated up from the bottom of the stairs. He sounded tentative, as if he weren't sure of his reception.

Clark hesitated a moment before calling back, "Come on up." He stayed in the hammock, staring blankly at the page, heart pounding.

"Hey." Lex's voice was low and a little hoarse, as if he was coming down with something.

Clark closed his book. "Hey. How do you feel?"

"Sore. Burnt. My head is pounding, and I can't smell anything, but otherwise I'm fine." He gingerly sank onto the couch and pulled his legs underneath his body. His head rested against the back of the couch, eye half-mast.

Clark hauled himself out of the hammock and sat on the floor by the couch. "You look tired."

Lex nodded. "Exhausted, actually. Dr. Sutton said my hypothalamus has been over-stimulated. Basically, it's been working overdrive, keeping my body in an almost constant state of arousal. If Desiree had kept it up longer, I would have started blacking out and..." He swallowed hard. "Worse." Lex licked his lips. "Thanks for taking care of me. The check-up I had with her didn't turn up anything, but it was a good idea." His fingers brushed lightly over Clark's forehead.

Clark shrugged. "I knew she was doing something to you. I just didn't know what."

Lex closed his eyes. "I am so sorry, Clark. I must have hurt you horribly."

"I knew it wasn't you."

"That doesn't make what I said to you--did to you--sound any less real. I know you hurt just as much as it would have had I meant it."

Clark looked down at the floor and traced the pattern of his rug lightly. "It did. So much. But it wasn't you."

"Clark, please."

"I forgive you, Lex," Clark said, knowing it was what Lex needed to hear. Clark had no need to say it; Lex hadn't meant anything he said (he hoped), and had been whacked out of his mind while it was happening. There was nothing to forgive.

But it was the right thing to say. A look of relief settled on Lex's tired face. "Thank you," he whispered. Lex closed his eyes and put his right hand underneath his cheek, cradling it. When he did, the sleeve of his shirt was pulled back, revealing his collar, twined around his wrist.

Clark moved closer to the couch. "Lex? What's this?" He reached up and gently touched the collar.

Lex opened his eyes; his ears turned pink. "I just... I feel..." He swallowed hard. "I haven't been with anyone else since we got together. I think I've kissed two people, and both times, it was more out of habit than anything else. And it felt wrong and I felt dirty then. And now..."

He rose to his knees and kissed Lex on the forehead. "It wasn't you, Lex."

"It was my body." Lex sounded lost.

He kissed Lex's forehead again and undid the collar. The sleek leather slid smoothly from Lex's wrist; Clark looked into Lex's eyes for permission.

Need was etched in the tired blue eyes. He licked his lower lip tentatively, and arched his neck, offering it.

Clark nodded and fastened it around Lex's neck. "Why didn't you put it on?" He fiddled with it a moment, tightening and loosening it, trying to decide how he wanted it. After a few tries, he made it loose enough that it slid to the base of Lex's neck. Then Clark buttoned the top button of Lex's shirt, almost completely hiding the collar.

"It doesn't feel right when I put it on," Lex said, touching the collar briefly. "Only when you do it." He licked his lips. "Thank you."

"Always."

Eyes serious, Lex took Clarks hands. "I want you to know, you make me happy. Don't think that you don't."

Clark closed his eyes. "It doesn't feel like I do. Not when I compare you the way you are with me to the way you were with her. Especially your wedding day. God, Lex. You were so happy. I've never seen you that happy."

"Of course I was happy; I was totally aroused and stoned out of my mind. It wasn't real." Lex sat up and slid off the couch, still holding Clark's hands. "We've hit a rough patch. That's all. Life is full of them. No, I'm not flying right now. I'm not singing in the shower. But I did the day we first kissed. And after we first made loved." He kissed Clark's hands. "I still love you, Clark. I want you. I miss you. But we can't be together right now. Not like we were. We both need space. Maybe it doesn't make us happy, but staying as we were wasn't making us happy either. But we will be. Eventually, we'll be back together. We'll build our life together. That's what I want, Clark. Not... not anything else," he finished with a sigh.

Clark looked down at their joined hands. "But I want you to be happy."

"I am, Clark. When I'm with you, I am." He rested his forehead against Clark's. "Are you happy with me?"

"When we're together, yeah. Right now... sort of. Not really." Clark closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "I miss you."

"I miss you, too. But we need this. We're doing this to make us stronger."

Clark nodded. "How's this going to work? I mean, now that you're back from Metropolis, how does this work?"

Lex pulled away and released Clark's hands. "I think that we spend time apart. We don't go out of our way to avoid each other, but we don't spend as much time together."

"What if I can't sleep?"

"Unless you have a nightmare that you absolutely can't shake, I think you should try and work through it yourself. Have you read any of the stuff I sent you?"

He shook his head. "Skimmed it. Not really. I, uh, did get a new memory last night, though. Of you in me in Kiptin before you first woke up. You... you didn't want to leave. You looked scared." Clark looked at Lex tentatively, afraid to ask what he was thinking.

Lex understood, though. He frowned and rubbed his chin. "I think... everything was so uncomplicated in Kiptin. I didn't have to worry about anything. And Dad was terrorizing the hospital staff, trying to force them to wake me up. I didn't wake up until he finally left, because he kept yelling. Threatening. And it scared me. I didn't know why he was yelling; I thought I was in trouble. You made me feel safe."

A smile quirked Clark's lips and he touched the back of Lex's hand lightly.

Lex turned his hand over and caught Clark's. "Read what I got you. Try to figure out who you are. If you want to tell me, wonderful. If not, I understand." He hesitated, massaging Clark's hand. "Would you like to have coffee with me on Sunday morning around ten?"

"Yes," Clark whispered, grasping at anything that Lex was willing to offer.

"Good. I'll see you then. And now, I'm going to go home and take a long nap. Dr. Sutton is making me take a day off to recover. I might take two."

Clark smirked. "I think I need to mark my calendar. Lex Luthor might voluntarily take two days off from work."

Lex kissed his cheek and rose. "I think I deserve it. I was forced to marry a whore and I hurt the person who means most to me in the entire world. I'll sleep and, when I wake up, it will all have been a dream."

"Sweet dreams, Lex," Clark said, feeling odd as Lex left without kissing him properly.

He lay back on the floor, feeling hollow and empty. He wanted things to go back to normal, and he wanted them to go back now. He didn't want to wait, didn't want to think, didn't want to...

With a sigh, Clark sat up and went to his desk. In the top drawer was his journal. He pulled it out, turned on the desk lamp, and sat down.

 _September 7,_

 _I was wondering earlier about me and attraction. Like, can I really be attracted--sexually, hormonally..._

 

Clark pulled back and looked at the journal. It didn't feel right. Writing this to himself... it wasn't right.

He chewed on his lower lip for a long moment, thinking. After a moment, he thrust his journal aside and pulled out a few pieces of loose leaf paper.  
 _Dear Lex_ he wrote,

 _I guess I lied earlier when I said that I hadn't thought about it. Because I guess I kind of have. This thing with Desiree brought up a bunch of things and they all keep bouncing around in my head and I... I feel like I better let them out or I'll go crazy._

 _  
_I don't know if Damien told you or will tell you, but after Desiree tried to seduce me, I called him. I was trying to find you, but when I was on the phone with him, I kind of fell apart. I was really freaked out by what she tried to do._   
_

_  
_I know she did it because she wanted me to kill you. But why me? I'm not the only guy in school that was checking her out, and wouldn't it have been better to find someone who already had a grudge against you? Like Pete or... there are others, but I'm not going to name them. A lot of guys at school are jealous of you, and I don' t get why she chose the one person that wasn't to kill you._   
_

_  
_Did I draw her to me somehow? Like, in some weird, freaky, alien-type way? Maybe I do that, draw people to me with an alien pheromone somehow. Remember what I told you about last summer at the pool? I mean, that came out of the blue. And Chloe and you. Well, not you; we're different. I just wonder if people who are attracted to me really aren't. They're forced to find me attractive because of some perfume or a pheromone or something? Am I as bad as her?_   
_

_  
_The reverse of all that is bothering me, too. Why didn't her pheromones work on me? Wasn't I attracted to her? I'm not saying I didn't find her attractive, because I did. Damien said that there's a difference, and you can appreciate someone's looks and not be drawn to them. And I think that's how I felt about Desiree. She's a very pretty woman. But I don't think she would have set off my heat vision if she hadn't smelled like you. All I could think of while I was looking at her was you (and her, but all of us together)._   
_

_  
_I understand why I'm attracted to you (besides the obvious fact that you're gorgeous). We share a bond; I can be inside you, feel what you're feeling, hear what you're thinking. We totally in tune with each other. My attraction has always been very intense and extremely sexual._   
_

_  
_Contrast that with my attraction to Lana. I loved her since the first time I met her. She was a pretty little girl in a pink swim suit and pigtails and was so nice to me. And as we got older, she only got prettier and all I wanted to do was protect her. Keep her safe and worship her. Sex... crossed my mind, but it wasn't my first impulse. And while I can get off having a fantasy about her or Chloe or any woman, it's not the same as it is with you._   
_

_  
_All my life I thought I was human. I thought I was going to grow up, find a woman to marry, have kids and live happily ever after. But now I wonder: am I attracted to girls because I've been trained to think I am, or because I really am? Will I ever feel really, genuinely, sexually attracted to a woman like I am to you, or will it always be something less intense? And if I'm not, is it because a) I'm gay, b) I'm too in love with you to really want anyone else or c) because I'm genetically incapable of being chemically (is that the right word?) attracted to anyone from the human species besides you?  
Clark_   
_


End file.
